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The other day I found myself trolling through Google looking for some information on iconic women and their signature style. Page after page of gorgeous photographs of history’s most glamorous women looked back at me. The single most common denominator that they all shared, besides being chic, was their careful application of lipstick.
Like any good Google search will do, there I was three hours later reading about queens, Cleopatra and beetles.
I could not stop myself; lipstick is so interesting. More questions went through my mind: What does it mean to wear lipstick? Why do we wear it? How is lipstick manufactured?
Behold the end all, be all, everything you never wanted to know about lipstick.
My list of lipstick trivia is very weird and might just be offensive to some. As they say “truth is stranger than fiction” and the truth about lipstick is very strange indeed.
Of course, I had to include some snarky commentary. And, by the way, the word vagina is repeatedly mentioned.
Lipstick (a definition from the Urban Dictionary)
a.) A cosmetic applied to the lips of a female; usually. Its use was developed in ancient times by prostitutes as a form of advertisement, by painting their lips to match the same color as the inner folds of their vagina, so the male customer would get a glimpse of what he was getting. Lipstick was, then, various shades of red and pink. I doubt, if the colors were available, that any prostitute then would have painted their lips brown, black or green, which may have led the customer to believe that she may have a disease.
b.) Also refers to the male cock, whereas the cock being the stick that is placed between the lips; thus a lipstick. Derived from the possible coating of the lips with sperm during oral sex as the male cock was brushed across the lips. This more than likely led to the development of the lipstick container; shaped much like the male cock, which the female brushes across her lips to apply it.
There you have the basis for what is known as “The Lipstick Index.” We all know that women earn less money than men. And we know for a fact that most women look for a mate that is financially stable, if not well off. I did say most, not all. Some of us fall “in love,” and not into someone’s pocket.
Looking back over the history of lipstick, one thing remains as true today as it did back in ancient Egypt. The application of make-up, perfume and lipstick is our fall back for boosting our self-esteem. By primping, plumping and putting on that perfect shade of red, we tell ourselves that we are doing it for US. Who doesn’t want to look polished and gorgeous?
Let’s face it; we also do it for a bit of attention. Whether in a relationship or not, we love it when heads turn as we walk by. After all is said and done, there we are peacocks parading around with our feathers splayed. And it feels GOOD!
But wait a minute, we are inadvertently acting like the ancient Egyptians. Our painted puss represents our vaginas. It is a mating call! A subconscious cry, a red light if you will …
I find it fascinating that even though we are supposedly advanced as a society, lipstick sends a sexual message that cannot be denied. I wonder if someone has come up with “Vagina Red”? Can you imagine if L’oreal did that? What would the masses think? What an incredible social experiment that would be, don’t you think?
More crazy facts about lipstick that you might not know
1. Lipstick was made out of crushed gems.
No one knows who created lipstick first. We do know that the earliest known paint products used to decorate the lips of both male and female fashionistas were created around 5 thousand years ago in ancient Mesopotamia. The paint products were made of crushed gems. How decadent is that?
2. Bugs were used to pigment lipstick
Cleopatra used to paint her lips bright red. The dye used to make her glamorous was made from crushed carmine beetles. YUCK (P.S. Beetles and other bugs are still being employed in cosmetics today.)
3. Lipstick was the sign of Satan
In Europe, 1,000 years after the fall of Egypt, no one gave lipstick a second thought. Well, maybe they did, but the Church said that wearing red lipstick was akin to the sign of Satan on your face. Who would want that?
4. Queen Elizabeth I – brought back lipstick
Queen Elizabeth I singlehandedly brought red lipstick back in fashion during the 1600s. A stark white visage, with a wicked slash of a red mouth, was her go-to look, day in and day out. Everyone wore it or wanted to. Why not? Queen Elizabeth I was the most powerful woman on Earth. Kind of like Oprah is to us today. If she wears it, we buy it.
5. Lipstick was only worn by actors and prostitutes in the 1700s
After Queen Elizabeth the First’s reign came to an end, lipstick dropped off the radar of civilized society. (The locals probably read an article like this back then, the fear of having their mouths look like a vjay-jay most likely turned them off.) In 1770, the British tried to pass a law in Parliament that would annul any marriage involving a woman who used lipstick before her wedding day. During this time in history only actors and surprise Prostitutes wore this lip adornment …
6. Lipstick makes a comeback with movie starlets
Flash forward to the early1900s. Silent films are all the rage. Sarah Bernhardt has legions of fans and guess what she is wearing—lipstick! Then came Marilyn Monroe, Ava Gardner,and Elizabeth Taylor, the leaders of the gorgeous movie star pack, all wearing perfect shades of red. Welcome to the modern age of beauty.
7. Lead in your lipstick
Here we are in the 21st century and unlike everything else here in America, the Food and Drug Administration does not have the authority to regulate how many toxins can be in each tube of lipstick. Lead, a known toxic element that causes birth defects and death can be found in traces of YOUR lipstick shade of choice.
8. 999 by Christian Dior is the quintessential Red lipstick.
The most popular lipstick color in modern times is without a doubt 999 by Christian Dior. Urban myth has this lip color walking the runway during the first ever Christian Dior fashion show in Paris. It is considered to be the most iconic red lipstick ever. Pucker up.
A female obsession? Lovely lipsticked lips.
The mark of your vagina, a sexual cat call, worn by queens and movie stars. Many of us apply this creamy, dewy, luscious product to our lips up to 14 times a day. Every time you put it on, you could be inviting lead into your system, among other toxins. Be sure to check the ingredients of your favorite lippy from now on, because your lipstick might be poisoning you.
Oh, and by the way, definition b. from the Urban Dictionary that states the packaging of lipstick in a tube is a subtle reference to the penis makes sense to me, but it freaks me out at the same time. Phallic symbols are everywhere. So, here is another suggestion for a social experiment, how about this as a name for the perfect shade of pink:”Perfectly Penis” HA!