Are You Masculine Enough to be Feminine? Effeminate Men are Sexy!

My husband could not be anymore of a “man.” A macho, tough, tattooed, spitting, cursing, truck driving man. Really this is true. I met him when I was 14, and he was 16 in New York where we grew up. He hooked me up with his best friend on the first day I met him and disappeared. I dated his best friend in hopes that I would see him again. I did see him sporadically. And when he did show up – he was a light. Something about him was so exciting. He was extremely charming and cute beyond words, and he was just THAT boy. He was an excellent athlete and a star hockey player. He had charisma coming out of every orifice.

My friends and I would show up at his house early on Saturday mornings to wait while he and his brother prepared for their hockey game. His three little sisters would play “Please Don’t Go Girl” by New Kids on The Block, and he would sing along with them. I remember him saying, “I love this song. I love the New Kids!”

When we arrived, he was always cooking. He was always making breakfast, and he was fast in the kitchen and thorough. Eggs, bacon, toast and a glass of juice. Fork, knife and a napkin. My dad didn’t cook so this was new to me. It was hot that he cooked. It was hotter that he cleaned up – completely. When he was done, it seemed as if no one had been in the kitchen.


masculine_2We grew up, and we got married. We have two daughters. Three dogs, a gecko and a beta fish. He’s a wonderful father. He’s a providing husband. And his bedroom eyes are so sexy there are no words. He’s a man. He claps too loud when he watches sports. He leaves his socks on the floor. He steps out of his boxers in the bathroom and leaves them there. He spits in the sink and doesn’t wipe it out. He doesn’t listen to me when I talk, and he pulls his toe nails off manually. Like – he doesn’t use clippers. He just rips them off and eats them. Yeah. That’s really true. He EATS THEM! HE IS REALLY A MAN.

But even though he is hard and coarse, even though he’s male through and through, the things he does that fall on the softer side are the things that make me ask myself, “How did I get so lucky? How is he mine?”

Yes, he still cooks. A lot and he’s good at it. He still cleans up after dinner completely. He cleans the house. He sweeps and mops and rearranges the couch. He does the laundry, and he folds it and SOMETIMES he puts it away. He stills sings boy band songs with me in the car. N’ Sync, 98 Degrees, and of course New Kids on The Block – Greatest Hits. He even gets down to Spice Girls. These are all things that “GIRLS” do, right? No. Sexy men sing Spice Girls. Real Men Mop.

He is most enchanting when he watches “Sofia the First” with our five-year-old daughter and sings the opening song with her. AND he knows every character’s name in the show. Or when I gave birth to our second daughter, and it was our first night home with her. Our eight-year-old daughter lost a tooth and went to bed waiting patiently for her special tooth fairy to come and leave a present and a note. Previously, I was the one who would leave the present and write the note. But I fell asleep with our new baby and couldn’t get up to handle the tooth fairy that night. I fully expected to wake up to a very sad and disappointed little girl. But instead,she had a twenty dollar bill in her hand with a typed note. It was typed and printed out. It said all I would have said and more and he signed the note with a name he made up all by himself … Drum roll, please … My husband named the Tooth Fairy “Tatianna Ariel Mist.”

masculine_1It was amazing. My daughter was thrilled and rich. And I was mesmerized by that fabulous name. He made me believe that there might actually be a Tooth Fairy. And even more thoughtful – he typed the note because he didn’t want her to suspect that the handwriting was different from mine, which she’d seen in previous notes. Don’t “women” only think of these things?

I remember when my older daughter got the “Barbie All Dolled Up Stylin’ Head.” That’s that head and shoulders only Barbie that’s creepy, but little girls love to brush her hair and color it and braid it and cut it, etc. I took photos of my husband kneeling on the floor, brushing Barbie’s hair and as he brushes Barbies hair, our daughter is applying red lipstick and blue eye shadow to MY HUSBANDS FACE. They were having a “stylin’ make over party.”

He drives fast and chews tobacco. He forgets what I tell him to get at the grocery store. BUT he stays up LATE on Christmas Eve and wraps every single present. And believe me, he makes sure that there are too many presents for all of us. And he wraps well. Neat. Clean cuts and good tape. He is the Tooth Fairy and Santa and the Easter Bunny. He wears my pink flip flops outside when he walks the dogs, and he does this three times a day not including the trip to the park with the three shedding dogs because he feels bad for them. He knows they like and need to play.

masculine600This all goes down when he’s not working, and he works like a horse. He is up before us, and he gets home after we are already asleep. He drives coast to coast so that we have that extra stash of cash we need so that we can get the kids the things they want and need. My husband Kenny is the perfect amount of masculine and the perfect amount of feminine. He attributes this to having grown up with his sisters and his mother. He is absolutely masculine enough to be feminine sometimes – he’s completely comfortable with his sexuality and so am I.

So if you’re a guy, and you’re pumping iron and sitting on the couch with a remote in your hand waiting for your girl to bring you your dinner. You now know that you are not sexy. Turn your game around and strap on an apron, hand her the remote and get to work. Watch Rachel Ray if you have too … but cook her dinner. And don’t forget to clean up. Completely.

Photo Credit: © Elizabeth Regen All Rights Reserved

  1. Mona – Thank you so much for this smart and empathetic response. I do know who she is. Unfortunately, she is a sad, bitter woman who wants a husband like mine. She’s very insecure and should be for a number of reason. She should keep it classy and may find more satisfaction by using that approach. She does not live in LA. But maybe it was a dream of hers? Yes – it is a vulnerable article and your right attaching my name and face is scary because someone like her could pop out of the wood work… But there – the worse has happened and it didn’t really faze me. Sure, there are other parts to my relationship with my husband… but those parts are for another article. This was simply and article to bring to light how wonderful his nurturing qualities make his special to me. I love you girl! Thanks for having my back!

  2. Monaselis Torres-Straubel

    While I loved the article, I think you should get kudos for being vulnerable. You put yourself out there… You have fears, worries and insecurities like we all do.. But you put yourself out there anyway!… What COURAGE! THANK YOU!
    I believe we are here to pass on the knowledge we each acquire through our life experiences. When you share your family, life and heart with readers and you attach you name and face with it…. That’s what makes it REAL!… That’s what draws us in and make us feel like we know you, so that we can take in the knowledge and see it through our own eyes in our own lives… This is what separates writers from trolls! Some ppl DO and some ppl just react to what the doers are doing… You keep DOing you!

    As for MissInApril… Who are you?

  3. Thank you Elizabeth. Someone obviously has A LOT of time on their hands… and can’t find a way to express themselves – so they have taken a really cheap shot again. In 2015- women have progressed – we do not hate each other. We are sisters and cheer each other on. Clearly – this one in particular is not validated in her life or she would be satisfied with herself and her choices. Blessings to you and your family as you all have worked hard and deserve serenity in all areas of your lives. xo

  4. Thank you Selena! I do love my husband very much and we have both worked hard to create a life for ourselves and our children. It’s not easy – everyone faces adversity but we take it in stride and move on to the next day, week, month, year. I’m sorry for the haters – they should find a higher power because clearly they do not think there is enough kindness in the world to diminish their sick senseless spewing of nonsense. It must be HARD being them. Thank you for the support of Feminine Collective and for supporting my column. Share with other women and men – and say Hi to your mom. Your son is handsome! xo

  5. Barbara:
    Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m not sure who has the time to spend at least a half hour or more on HATING but their life must be very negative. Mine is full and I am grateful. Please continue your support of Feminine Collective and let other strong, smart women know about ti! xo

  6. I was about to respond to MissInApril but yours is just perfect and I concur. “You played yourself” I’m excited to read more articles and to keep seeing you following your dreams and making things happen for yourself , Liz , This sad woman’s comment was probably the highlight of her month, don’t sweat that for a heartbeat.

  7. Elizabeth,

    I thoroughly enjoyed reading this article – it’s lovely to see a woman give credit to her husband and do so in such a loving and respectful way. I have vague recollections from my youth about you and Kenny but what I remember is that you both had a lovely energy about you. I’m so happy for you both and your children. Ignore the haters. Haters always need an object to direct their anger towards and unfortunately this hater has picked you. I wish you all well.

  8. Obviously you don’t know much about love if you think all it takes is a clean floor. And clearly you don’t know much about Godliness because your truly negative comments are embarrasing in response to an article that was clearly written as a tribute to a woman’s husband. Nothing God like in that. 28 years later he chooses her… Everyday.. She must be doing something right. Maybe that’s the part you know nothing about… Because you are a voyeaur… Peering in to other people’s lives and making judgements on the pieces of information your gossiping ass gets however you can get it. Pretty desperate if you ask me.
    Also you should save your compliments to the other authors. Your act is exactly the kind of female disempowerment that women have been fighting forever. It is exactly this cutting down of another woman that takes no balls at all. Who exactly were your trying to impress with this? Cause it didn’t work. As we say in NY, and as the author’s husband likes to say, ” you played yourself”.

  9. okay.. Elizabeth- You are an beautiful writer! Let me start off by saying I just read through these comments and clearly the only ONE that you need to laugh at is from the one that seems obsessed with your toenail biting hubby. Although not sure if it’s a laugh or be concerned she’s a stalker.. yikes. Troll social media much? on ANOTHER note- your writing which your stalker clearly knows is great.. , and all of the writing on this site if relevant, honest and REAL. We all have problems that we don’t always want to talk about. Thoughts and feelings that we are possibly ashamed of or embarrassed by. Thank you for bringing humor and humanity to them and giving us all a voice! These times can be difficult with everything going on around us and I feel like feminine collective has given a lovely voice to all of us. Keep it up Elizabeth and all the writers of FC!

  10. Okay.. this article is great. I have THIS husband. His heart is as big as the earth but YET he still picks at his nails throughout every movie, due to his inability to actually sit still! I pick and choose my battle because the pros outweigh the cons.- always. Your writing is crisp, heart-felt, and on point. Love it… keep it up!

  11. Jamie: we have known each other for years and years and life times and life times… thank you for your kind sentiments and thank you for being a great friend. I wish you blessings, love and truth always. xo

  12. Kerry – Kenny is an excellent partner and a wonderful friend. I am grateful and proud of all we have accomplished together in nearly 18 years. Of course there ups and downs and neither of us are perfect but the beautiful thing is that we keep trying – and that’s what a true partnership is. Im glad you have a wonderful wife to share this life with. God Bless.

  13. Thank you so much. I appreciate your kind words Ed. And it means a lot coming from a friend who is close with our family and knows all of us. We love you dearly and thank you for your friendship.

  14. Oh you’re back. Hi! I thought you’d find me here. No. I don’t need this comment deleted. I am completely open to the story you have made up in your head about my family. What gives you up is your mention of Ellio’s pizza. That is a NorthEastern United States brand of pizza. They do not sell Ellio’s here in LA. I never made Ellio’s Pizza for my husband for dinner. It would be impossible to do that in a state that doesn’t sell that brand. I may have made Baron’s Pizza for our daughter and I when he was working all night and she and I weren’t craving a big home cooked dinner. So you are clearly – back on the East Coast. New Jersey. Thank You for your response. Keep reading Feminine Collective. When you peek up from your computer maybe submit an article about the infatuation you have with another woman’s husband. Or from the looks of things – maybe it’s me your infatuated with. Watching my check-ins and having a warped perspective of my career. It’s nice to hear from you again. It’s a good thing I don’t have “a memory like a goldfish” because then I wouldn’t know who this is. Please by all means – the floor is yours…

  15. Let me start by saying what a wonderful publication this is, empowering women is so insanely important. Liz I think you are missing the guts of the story. I mean if the point of this collective is to empower women with “UNFILTERED RAW ORIGINAL” stories we can learn from, I think you are missing the nuts and bolts of this article. The true & real Romeo of the story was a street raised boy you talked down about when we first met when you moved to LA not some Neanderthal you describe above. Ya know the guy you told us you rescued from those houses you draw about. I guess the early details are not as important as the real reason behind these wonderful feminine qualities you write about like cooking and cleaning. (btw Isn’t that mindset a little outdated to consider them feminine qualities? I don’t teach my son these are feminine but human self-caring qualities but ok). Moving on, so know your first two apartments are the real reason for this gents cleaning & cooking is survival. I mean a hard-working man can’t come home to frozen Elios pizza for dinner every night so therefore he cooks, he does laundry out of the need for clean clothes to wear to work, he washes the floor and cleans the house because it’s dirty? No? He probably eats his toe nails out of necessity too since although there are a hundred make up brushes there probably isn’t a single nail clipper. I mean while his wife slaves away jobless for years taking selfies all day and posting her locations at churches she couldn’t possibly have time to keep a clean organized uncluttered home unlike the other apartments. My point of the post is all your readers are asking for is the real RAW TRUTH which is what this collective is about and after reading this peep up from the computer and look around, mop your sticky floors and remember Cleanliness is next to Godliness.  THEN WRITE SOMETHING REAL like Julie so deeply wrote about in her true story (serious applause that story takes balls woman, you and Marla rock always have)! Write about desperately trolling for a boyfriend in NY and rescuing one from the bars like you used to tell us girls. Oh and why deny your true history with your love if you are so proud, the fake 25 yrs of friendship how ‘bout fill in the blanks instead of “We grew up and got married” soooo when was his first daughter born in the midst of your teenage dream? ever wonder why the real people who know you both never ever ever kiss your booty writing how wonderful the stories you write are? Cause they know the real writer, Cause they are too busy laughing and rolling their eyes at your silly fiction, your magical spin, your imagined reality. Believe me I am sure they are applauding him because he is a REAL PERSON, no bones, straight talk picked himself up brushed himself off and is working his ass off for his THREE kids every time we see him. You will probably have this post deleted by your friends but first let it sink it and maybe the next article you write will be real and worth dolla dolla bills that you can contribute to your home.

  16. This story is so touching. It’s really wonderful for people to see in your eyes how you feel about your husband. Even that you put him and your family before yourself. But I couldn’t expect anything less from you. That’s the person that you are Liz. Freaking awesome.

  17. The article is simply great You sure can write. There were so many poignant words I cannot begin to even mention them all. Funny and cringing words like the toenail story, dropping his shorts. Looking forward to your many more stories. Best!

  18. This was such a beautiful, funny , honest and sincere piece. I can feel love. The writing is crisp and warm. I will be waiting to hear more from Elizabeth Regen.

  19. Hilarious! I was wondering who would be the first to respond to that? George carlin does a great bit on exactly that. People eating their nails and skin. You should YouTube it or Google it! You just might stop cringing and start laughing! Sometimes the truth is really funny!

  20. This was so beautiful!! Its nice to see someone put their spouse and kids first. The tooth fairy story got me…shows how he really thinks of his girls!!! They will have a great example of what a husband should be when they are older. So sweet.

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