I feel the need … the alarming, undeniable need to speak up and speak out about what I consider fashion faux pas that NO ONE has the excuse to commit! (Okay fine, in an emergency, all is forgiven.) I know, we all have our days. Just like you, I am in a state of haphazard everything, 98% of the time.
It is time for us to have a FASHION REFORM SCHOOL GIRL TO GIRL CHAT. This won’t take long, but I am confident that you will take something away after reading the 5 things you should never wear EVER. Ready?
1. NEVER wear flesh tone, white or pastel leggings if you are older than two.
I am shocked how often I see women of all ages doing this ultimate no-no. Showing off each dimple while accentuating each roll. Ladies burn that shit now! Don’t even wear them when you are cleaning the house. Don’t wear them to sleep in. Don’t wear them ever. You will thank me later.
2. Tight track suit pants or shorts … must stay at the gym!
In a perfect world, we would all have time to have a blow out after working out AND have time to slip on a chic little Chanel suit. I get it, you did the deed and burned those calories. NOW you have to FLY across town and pick up the kids, the dog, the husband, etc. Okay, you are in the clear.
But what about you serial gym gear offenders? You know who you are. You can be spotted day and night, wearing your clinging duds in public. “Camel toes” on display is NOT considered “on trend.” Don’t do it!
3. Put your ass away!
Stop wearing short shorts, which really are equivalent to a pair of panties. Let’s face it, not many of us have an ass perky enough to parade out in the open anyway. So Puh-lease put it away!
4. Stop baring your bra!
Are you one that likes to show off your bra? If so, this is not high school anymore! You have grown up. You are a woman now. Act like a lady and please mind your straps & gaps! Wearing a sheer top and a patterned or colored bra underneath is not classy, it’s trashy. Avoid the “show and tell” and purchase a flesh colored bra to keep your sisters in place and dignified.
5. STOP making your thong center stage.
Panty lines and colored undies visible THROUGH your clothes are the single most Bitchslappable fashion faux pas that you can make! If you can see your underwear, so can we! Please spare us all and do a triple take before you head out the door. ANYTHING it takes to make sure that your lacy thong will not be the center of attention all day long.
Whew … I am glad I was able to get that off my chest (pun intended). Thanks for listening ladies. I trust you will find yourself at your confident best after you employ these tips. Avoid foolish fashion faux pas. Remember, to keep it simple and classy. I mean YOU! Keep yourself dressed simple & classic. Unless of course, today of all days, your house burnt down while you were out trimming the tresses right before your dog ran away. Meanwhile, you have to pick up a neighbor from the hospital, all before 9:00 AM. To hell with your workout, forget it being complete before work … gym clothes will have to do. In this instance, you get a pass and avoid a bitchslap just this once.