If I could draw a blade
across my wrist
to show you that my veins clog
with the sludge of ugliness, you would
never again ask me,
“Why are you so tired?”

If I could crack open my skull
to free my mind, you would
see that it is not splintered
by madness but rather patched
together with clarity, you would
never again ask me
to swallow poison.

If I could rip this body open
to show you the raw red wounds
that have been lashed onto my soul
by every inhumane atrocity
this world has endured, you would
never again ask me,
“Why are you so sad?”

Instead, your accusing eyes
demand simple words
to simpler questions that
the simplest minds
can process.

And in all
that I am
I am not.

Photo Credit: -Jeffrey- Flickr via Compfight cc

Nicole Lyons

Nicole Lyons is a force of nature disguised as a writer, a social activist, a voice for the downtrodden, and a powerful poet with a delicate touch. She is a published author and poet featured in the books Feminine Collective’s RAW&UNFILTERED VOL I, Love Notes From Humanity; The Lust, Love, & Loss Collection, and Stigma Fighters Anthology Volume One. Her essays and poetry have also been featured in numerous literary collectives. Her debut book of poetry HUSH, published by FC Media will be released in April 2017.

Nicole was inducted into The Mental health Writer’s Guild in 2015 for her work on The Lithium Chronicles, Psych Central, The Mighty, and the International Bipolar Foundation.

She is a speaker and event coordinator with a Canadian nonprofit that focuses on suicide awareness and prevention in children and teens, and she lives a good life in beautiful British Columbia with her brilliant daughters and amazing husband. From a sunny porch beautiful British Columbia, Nicole is enjoying a glass of wine, and working on her second collection of poetry.

12 thoughts on “If I Could

  1. Stephanie OrtezStephanie Ortez Reply

    This is beautiful Nicole. We live in a world where we keep our sufferings to ourselves, living in a shell to keep us safe. You have a wonderful way to connect with others, Nic. Never lose that.

  2. Mary Rowen Reply

    Yes! I’m so tired of people wanting to simplify everything–to understand other people in as few words as possible; hence, stereotyping. It is bullsh*t and impossible. Thank you for writing this Nicole. Your words are a gift.

  3. Heather Lee Reply

    Such powerful words that describe real, raw emotions. I love poetry, it takes thoughts and words to create emotions and understanding – you touched me with this post. I have bipolar disorder and your words resounded deep within me. Thank you!

  4. Nicole LyonsNicole Lyons Reply

    Sherri, thank you for this comment. I wish we could all see what others feel and have lived, somehow wear a cloak of our experiences, good and bad, and maybe this world would be a much kinder place. Love to you.
    I see you.
    N xoxo

  5. SA SmithSA Smith Reply

    Nicole-this is chilling. So often I have felt, if I could just rip away my skin and share my war wounds from life, they might get a deeper understanding of just how it feels to be me. You put those thoughts in words. Thank you my talented friend.

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