I memorize you.
your dreams and your aspirations
your favorite restaurant order and the way you take your coffee, or don’t.
your favorite songs – the lyrics are engrained in my mind.
the shampoo you use and the way you roll your toothpaste tube
your birth date is on a loop.
the sound of your voice – I can always remind myself how you sound.
and how you feel – and how you kiss.
your pet peeves and fears – all things I’m too aware of.
your scars – both emotional and physical – it’s like they’re mine too.
your phone number – those 10 numbers won’t leave.
and you memorize me.
my triggers and med dosages.
my license plate number, which I don’t even know.
my birth mark – the scars on my right wrist.
the way my right eye scrunches a little more than most when I smile.
my coffee order – decaf, soy, and all.
my favorite flower and the snacks I want stocked at your place.
the makeup wipes I use and my brand of face lotion.
the perfume you love – the one you searched for hours for.
so what do we do now?
how can you forget something you’ve memorized?
and what if I really do forget?
your voice is already harder to recall.
your touch has been absent for so long.
what if you really do fade?
or what if every time I see patterned socks my heart breaks again?
or every time I hear “bloom” the pain is brand new?
I’m not sure which is worse.
memorizing you for the rest of my life, or forgetting who you were.