A Few Good Men

A Few Good Men

Men and Sexual Misconduct: There is Always a Choice

Before I begin this piece about men and their sexual misconduct, I feel like I have to give a few disclaimers. First, for clarity’s sake,...

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Some Days, I’m A Little Bit Psycho

If I suffer from another spazz-fest, I’m gonna slap myself in the face – hard. I am friggin’ sick and tired of dealing with my...

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Women Who Inspire: Erin Matson, Writer, Feminist Activist and Co-Founder and Co-Director of Reproaction.org

Women Who InspireWomen Who Inspire: Kate Torgersen, Founder, and CEO of Milk StorkWomen Who Inspire: Oyindamola Shoola, Author, and...

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Thank You Ashley Judd: Politically Incorrect (but true) Advice From A Guy On Sexual Harassment

Sexual harassment: sex·u·al ha·rass·ment_noun_harassment (typically of a woman) in a workplace, or other professional or social...

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Say Goodbye Donald, You American Monster

Say goodbye Donald you American monster the end is near your Election day reckoning is oh so close and I can taste my fury as I want to...

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Jacta Alea Est

The other night, after we both took back-to back-potty runs at 1 AM, my wife Alison and I settled back in bed. As I expected, she...

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I Am A Self Proclaimed Male Feminist

Recently I had the honor and pleasure of being a guest on Heart Stock Radio, a radio show that is based in Butte, Montana and is hosted by...

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The Male Psyche: Trying To Not Be a Dick

Bert's Eye ViewMy Date with a Weeki Wachee Mermaid(s)The Ideal Woman: One Man’s PerspectiveThe Male Psyche: Trying To Not Be a DickA...

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Death of a Racist Cousin

when the death call came your confederate ideas and vile vernacular came swinging back at me like a bloody noose from our haunted family...

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Women Who Inspire: Kate Torgersen, Founder, and CEO of Milk Stork

Women Who InspireWomen Who Inspire: Kate Torgersen, Founder, and CEO of Milk StorkWomen Who Inspire: Oyindamola Shoola, Author, and...

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Laughing with the Sinners: My Life as a Jehovah’s Witness

By the world’s standards, I was a good kid: I didn’t smoke, I didn’t drink, I didn’t do drugs, and I didn’t get into trouble with...

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Still Waters

there is so much beauty and so little time which makes me tearfully treasure the breath of life and your sun kissed shoulders and...

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Shelter

This is my muted voice. This is a language of my own choosing. The kind that pulls me away from people and erects walls in the vacuum of...

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Faggot

The raw emotions continue to be painful. I’m still spazzing. I’m still distraught. I’m still frantic and furious. I’m working hard...

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I Was a Fearless Little Girl

I’ll never know if my mother thought that she might have had a cross dressing pre-teen son, or maybe she just thought that I was just a...

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Sent: Spewing Bullshit With Doublespeak

So you could say I know for sure. There has definitely never been a time like this. I’ve been all over every form of physically and...

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Isn’t That What Friends Are For?

Decades ago, when I was in elementary school, I did have a few genuine friends. However, the so-called cool kids swiftly kicked us to the...

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A New York City Love Story

Hindsight is not 20/20. Hindsight is God allowing you to never forget what you or someone else massacred.

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A Feminist Literary Canon

It no longer seems so farfetched that a central document of Western humanity, the Torah or Old Testament should have been led by a woman's...

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Dreaming of an Independence Day for Her

her liberty to love herself her liberty to have a choice when it comes to her body her liberty to age

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I’m A Testosterone Novice

It’s not a secret anymore. Women make me nervous. On any given day, it would be easier for me to jump naked into a pit of venomous...

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Little Nose

Little Nose All my pain and all my woes Go right up my little nose Now I am free, so unexposed But my friend, she stunts my growth And in...

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What I Fear The Most

what I fear the most is not this spinning inexorable world perpetually casting shadows and monsters or even my own inevitable fleshy demise...

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Dad, I Forgive You

Raise your hand. Who’s had a perfect childhood? Who has perfect parents? Who has the perfect family? Unfortunately, most of us...

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Being A Father

Bert's Eye ViewMy Date with a Weeki Wachee Mermaid(s)The Ideal Woman: One Man’s PerspectiveThe Male Psyche: Trying To Not Be a DickA...

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Press Start

I don’t remember fighting over first player. I remember needing more controllers, quicker reflexes, a softer excitement /thicker...

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I Saw Myself Naked Today

I saw myself naked today. Like most people, I typically take a quick glance at myself in the mirror after my morning shower—with a towel...

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Seeking Full-Time Depression

I am seeking a confidant, a loser like me. My pre-requisites are simple. I desire a lack of ambition. I am looking for self-loathing. This...

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Do Not Read Until 2037: A Letter to my Future Self

Well, hello there old geezer! I hope you’re somewhat sane and still alive 20 years from now so you can fully absorb every word of this...

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Our Forever Flowers

fearsome orgasmic blooms in a jealous world deceptive fragility of steely petals and stems roots entwined with the hopes of childhood...

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7 Things That Will Help You Survive The Trump Era

As I am writing this, we are, as a nation, now well entrenched in the national nightmare and international embarrassment otherwise known as...

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Walk, Don’t Ride: A Sober Message From Prison

I didn’t have a problem. I did have a problem, but it wasn’t a bad one. Alright, it was bad. But… Okay, no buts, I was...

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You’re Hired! Welcome to the World of Live-Cam Modeling!

It’s not very often I have time to lounge around the house. Recently, however, my wife was out of town and I was privileged to enjoy an...

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My Non-Television Mother and Me: The Apology

Part 3 of a 3 part series. After interviewing my mother, reading through the archives of my memoirs, taking note of the dark memories that...

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Beyond the Finish Line

Keep walking, though there’s no place to get to. Don’t try to see through the distances. That’s not for human beings. Move within,...

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Under These Stars

under these stars life is hard pervasive illusions defeated demon delusions reappear and sear inferiority complex as I flex I resist and...

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Secrets Between Sisters

“Don’t worry Beth. Your secret is safe with me. No one ever will ever find out what happened back then. We are the last two who know,...

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The Fencing War

When I hear the term passive-aggressive, I immediately think of my wife. Don’t get me wrong; she’s not callous, cruel or...

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My Non-Television Mother and Me: The Interview

Read Part 1 here.  Part 2 of a 3 part series In an attempt to understand my mother a little better, I asked her a couple of questions that...

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You are the Star of Trade Town, Davey!

Me at nine years old: “Look! It’s a brand new 1975 AMC Pacer! Isn’t it groovy? I got the keys. Wanna take it for a ride?”...

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Wild Side

Two nocturnal rebels in the ephemeral 2 AM stillness drinking the moment against the backdrop of evaporation street lights trickling...

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French Faux-pas: Valentine’s Day, Crockery, Louboutin, and a Priceless Smile

I once made the faux-pas to surprise my lovely wife with a state-of-the-art crockpot for Valentine’s Day. (That was last week.) I...

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My Non-Television Mother and Me

Part 1 My mother is not a mother to me like a television mother. She’s more like a friend, a friend of a friend even. She’s the...

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The Resistance

these are the times that try men’s souls indeed I tell myself just keep calm and breathe and resist, resist, resist these are the...

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100 Years from Yesterday

Imagine what today’s world would be like If the Suffragettes had been three million strong? 100 years from yesterday Fewer men...

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And I Love Her

a brave new year dawns amidst a clown led misogynistic circus and there are words that need to be spoken so let me not mumble or remain...

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January Flashback: French Savoir with Patrice Bisiot

January FlashbackAn Actor’s Journey: “This is THE job. This is the hard part.”Men, Rape Culture and ChoiceWhy You Should Love Your...

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If this Temporary Life

if this temporary life I call my own requires a realization that it could end at any moment if it means nothing more than a breaking of the...

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The Presidential Campaign of 2016 & the Siege of Boston

“Look at what I see in front of me.” It was the mid-eighties. After a stint on an Israeli kibbutz, followed by some quality time with...

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I am America

I am America and I am bold and diverse and all the colors of the human rainbow I am America and I wear a hajib a Star of David a cross and...

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Muslim Time

This would soon be over praise Allah. It had been quite the ordeal for him and his family ever since he and his daughter had built that...

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I Feel Pretty with Makeup On

I haven’t felt comfortable in my skin since I was a teenager. And this is odd to me, because when I was a teenager, I was disgusted by my...

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Sometimes, A Man Still Needs His Mom

“…a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” – Ephesians 5:31...

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My Dissociation Disorder

This isn’t happening. This isn’t real. I’m not here. (Cue heaving breathing) This feeling is horrifying, every morning it’s a dance...

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How to Lose All of Your Friends in 5 Minutes

So how does one lose all their friends in 5 minutes? Well, it’s not that hard actually. Just tell them the truth, that’s it.But please...

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Trump will Bankrupt the Angry White Man’s America

During the Republican primaries, Angry White Men flocked to Trump’s side with Viagra-like energy. He found his compadres, who just...

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The Messenger

Brian Gardner parked the BMW in the empty lot. He had never come to the park this late to run but Professor Davis insisted on seeing him...

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Bumper Sticker Philosophies: America’s Automobile Dialogue

“Come on, seriously! No one cares about your honor student child!” I shout this out loud to myself every time I’m driving and see one...

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Promises in the Dark

As OMD still sings about hopes and dreams and the ephemeral light of summer fades I know my love for you never will Oh baby those nights we...

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Are You Armed and Ready to Vote?

OK, in light of where we are at in this country right now, let me dispense with the niceties. If you are a woman in 2016 America, there are...

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’89

In a picture that dates back to 89’, my mother holds me close, my brother as well. She cradles us on top of a bar stool, points at the...

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The Raw Journey: Rejection at Birth

What is this place?  It’s so dark in here. Where am I?  I can’t move. Am I trapped? I feel confined. I glanced around, swiftly trying...

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Damaged Goods

I am damaged goods. I am forever broken. I am beyond repair. That is my excuse. I have not known innocence. My parents were self-absorbed....

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Can I see California? (Once before I die)

I must see California before I die. This is not an option for myself. I would walk the 3000 miles upon nails and razors only to see the...

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Why Men Secretly Fear Women

naked before me your body and my fears as your touch delivers me to you unleashing an animal passion that engulfs and inspires the stirring...

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Immigrant song: A Frenchman’s Moody Pipe Dream

1976. I am 6 I have 2 mothers, 2 fathers, 3 sisters. Bernadette is my fairy godmother mom, my nanny during the day. She loves me like she...

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Naked Soul

When is the last time you were completely naked in front of someone? I’m not talking about being naked for sex. I’m not talking...

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What Happened to Me at the Intersection Called Serendipity

These are the times in which the stars are in sync and the planets align. We could crash into each other like snowflakes gently falling to...

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My Obituary (an ode to my parents)

Dear Mom and Dad, My requests are short and simple. I will not ask much of you. You can start by giving your 100% full undivided attention...

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There You Are

there you are still standing defiant and victorious after the firefights as beautiful as ever resilient and glorious precious wrinkles and...

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Romantics

I know how you resent smoking, but what if I was to tell to you that my love for you was eternal, and as I said this, I took a long drag...

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Ciao Bella

Lili waited for a smile of approval from her mother before she inched closer to the end of the diving board. Maman smiled, waved, and...

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Dance Like You Matter

I sit and wait in a coffee shop. My notepad perfectly prepared for a meeting that I’ve arranged. A meeting to discuss a film project...

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Mom Says: Catechism or Soccer, You Pick

I was around nine-years-old when I dealt with my first major existential crisis. It wasn’t about the grief of losing all my marbles...

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Girly Feet

If you really want to insult me, the worst thing you could possibly do is compliment my bare feet. In fact, I would rather you point, laugh...

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Bipolar-speak: Being Neuro-Normal Sucks

I have experienced mood swings for over 25 years, rapid cycling from mild depression to 3-5 episodes of humanly manageable mania/hypomania....

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I am a Counterfeit Memory Hero

As I turned on the light and maneuvered my way into the closet, I made full use of my Tetris skills. I shuffled past boxes of record...

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A Blurry Image of Love, Lust and the Teenage Mind

Love, lust and the teenage mind. Yep, I was a hot mess back in high school. I remember it vividly. Although I considered myself a goober, I...

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Potter’s Field

(for my sisters) Standing here in the glistening grass a new morning is breaking over this potter’s field* Thoughts and words flutter...

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I Call My Daughters Pretty ALL the Time

I have two little girls, and I tell them they’re pretty all the time. I’m their daddy, and I think they really want me to see them as...

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“Hey Dude, Your Junk Looks Dangerous!”

I hate using the public restroom at the airport. Whether it’s the urinal or the stall, no amount of hand-washing is enough to...

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Why I am Afraid to Call Myself a Feminist

I’m a feminist, but I’m growing shy about saying that. I have a lot of friends who are survivors of abuse and sexual trauma. I...

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Cosby’s Indirect Impact on Pop Culture and Why it’s Still No Excuse

Every time I hear about a celebrity behaving badly, I have a great struggle. A good friend of mine does a lot of set and prop work for...

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Why I am a Feminist (and other men should be too)

It was wintertime 1974 in Cincinnati, Ohio and I was 11 years old, holding my mom’s trembling hand as we were walking up and down the...

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Why Expressing Yourself Like a Teen is Good for You

I’ve been using Emily Robert’s book Express Yourself in my psychotherapy practice since it came out in the spring. It’s...

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Is Your Mind Lying to You?

I’ve spent quite a bit of time thinking about the pattern of beliefs that run through my mind. I have noticed that my beliefs are always...

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My Date with a Weeki Wachee Mermaid(s)

Bert's Eye ViewMy Date with a Weeki Wachee Mermaid(s)The Ideal Woman: One Man’s PerspectiveThe Male Psyche: Trying To Not Be a DickA...

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La Joie de Vivre!

A few weeks after the Paris massacre of Friday, November the 13, 2015, I got my first tattoo. It’s the Eiffel tower centered inside...

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How to Love Your Body Every Day!

As a teen, and young man, I suffered from Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). I hated my physical appearance and always thought myself fat,...

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The Bath

It was the middle of the afternoon. My mother’s voice was smoky and quiet, calming. I was five and a half years old. “Billy, you and...

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The Ideal Woman: One Man’s Perspective

Bert's Eye ViewMy Date with a Weeki Wachee Mermaid(s)The Ideal Woman: One Man’s PerspectiveThe Male Psyche: Trying To Not Be a DickA...

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When Psychological Manipulation is a Good Thing

“I can’t get in,” the student came back to me and said. The convention center in Los Angeles refused to let him into an invite only...

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Discover the Magic of Your Life

Perla Batalla, a backup singer for Leonard Cohen for many years, was in concert in Los Angeles recently. In her second act she shared the...

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An Unexamined Life is NOT Worth Living

“An unexamined life is not worth living.” The quote is attributed to Socrates. For a highly learned man not known for frivolity,...

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What Drives You Crazy?

If you were to make a list of what drives you crazy, would it beg the flourished unfolding of a regal scroll with a clearing of your throat...

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A Conversation with Jeanette Collins and Peter Onorati

Bert's Eye ViewMy Date with a Weeki Wachee Mermaid(s)The Ideal Woman: One Man’s PerspectiveThe Male Psyche: Trying To Not Be a DickA...

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A Trip Through the Lone Star State

Bert's Eye ViewMy Date with a Weeki Wachee Mermaid(s)The Ideal Woman: One Man’s PerspectiveThe Male Psyche: Trying To Not Be a DickA...

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Male confessions: When Your Penis Does the Thinking for You…

Bert's Eye ViewMy Date with a Weeki Wachee Mermaid(s)The Ideal Woman: One Man’s PerspectiveThe Male Psyche: Trying To Not Be a DickA...

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9 Things That Make a Guy Good Enough for My Daughter

Bert's Eye ViewMy Date with a Weeki Wachee Mermaid(s)The Ideal Woman: One Man’s PerspectiveThe Male Psyche: Trying To Not Be a DickA...

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After 35 Years, I Finally Grew a Pair

After 35 years, I finally grew a pair. That’s right, I finally stood up to a childhood bully. The end result of my adventure,...

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Retreat Not Retweet

Shortly before the holidays I spent a magical week on retreat. I stayed in a cozy cabin nestled in 300 acres of virgin forest. A beautiful...

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I Hacked into My Teenager’s Facebook Account

After reading this story, you may think I’m the worst parent ever or you may think that I’m the best parent ever....

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Confessions of a Cocky Cross-Country Commuter

For anyone that has seen the 2009 George Clooney movie Up In the Air, you’re already well aware of the kind of life I’ve been...

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Things I learned in 2014 and some resolutions for 2015

Bert's Eye ViewMy Date with a Weeki Wachee Mermaid(s)The Ideal Woman: One Man’s PerspectiveThe Male Psyche: Trying To Not Be a DickA...

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The Status of our Relationship is Based on the Article I’m Reading

When I troll the Internet out of sheer boredom, it’s not uncommon for me to stop and analyze one of those relationship advice...

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Life at the Pussy Palace

*This article is not related to any brothel; legal or otherwise.  And get your minds out of the gutter.  When the word...

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20 Life Lessons from Your Best Buddy

Bert's Eye ViewMy Date with a Weeki Wachee Mermaid(s)The Ideal Woman: One Man’s PerspectiveThe Male Psyche: Trying To Not Be a DickA...

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My Billy Joel Man Crush

It was 1977, and I was eleven years old. I was riding around with the car top down and the radio on with my older brother and his cool...

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My Sappy Love Song Saga

Just the other day, I found myself listening to 80s Love Songs on Pandora Internet Radio.  I listened willingly, believe it or not.  That...

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Cooking for a crowd

Bert's Eye ViewMy Date with a Weeki Wachee Mermaid(s)The Ideal Woman: One Man’s PerspectiveThe Male Psyche: Trying To Not Be a DickA...

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I’m Metro-WHAT?

I’ve been called many things in my life – from dork to hot and everything in between, but when my kids recently called me...

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There’s a reason you should never do these 7 things

Bert's Eye ViewMy Date with a Weeki Wachee Mermaid(s)The Ideal Woman: One Man’s PerspectiveThe Male Psyche: Trying To Not Be a DickA...

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Spooky stuff: Bella Vista Lodge, Dominical, Costa Rica

Bert's Eye ViewMy Date with a Weeki Wachee Mermaid(s)The Ideal Woman: One Man’s PerspectiveThe Male Psyche: Trying To Not Be a DickA...

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French Savoir Faire

As a celebrity and fashion hairstylist, I often find myself living out of a suitcase. The majority of my time is spent in the USA,...

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I Got Itchy Feet, So I’m on a Steamship

Bert's Eye ViewMy Date with a Weeki Wachee Mermaid(s)The Ideal Woman: One Man’s PerspectiveThe Male Psyche: Trying To Not Be a DickA...

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Common Sense, National Pride, and a Pinch of Compassion: Isn’t it that simple?

Bert's Eye ViewMy Date with a Weeki Wachee Mermaid(s)The Ideal Woman: One Man’s PerspectiveThe Male Psyche: Trying To Not Be a DickA...

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The Ultimate Renaissance Man: Christophe Gstalder

Bert's Eye ViewMy Date with a Weeki Wachee Mermaid(s)The Ideal Woman: One Man’s PerspectiveThe Male Psyche: Trying To Not Be a DickA...

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Balance: Get It. Keep It.

If you could be either in or out of balance, you’d choose to be in balance, right? Choose it you may, but often it feels that life grabs...

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Babes in Borneo: The Search for Mary

Bert's Eye ViewMy Date with a Weeki Wachee Mermaid(s)The Ideal Woman: One Man’s PerspectiveThe Male Psyche: Trying To Not Be a DickA...

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Two Comedians, One Stage

Quite often improviser and stand-up comics are grouped within each other’s categories of comedy. Now I know what you’re thinking,...

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Top 10 Improv Tips to Combat FEAR in Every Day Life

Improv is the dumbest thing you will ever do, and also the coolest thing you will ever do. There is nothing like walking onto a...

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Interview: Xaviera Hollander, the Happy Hooker

Bert's Eye ViewMy Date with a Weeki Wachee Mermaid(s)The Ideal Woman: One Man’s PerspectiveThe Male Psyche: Trying To Not Be a DickA...

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The Pissing Contest: Step by Step

Bert's Eye ViewMy Date with a Weeki Wachee Mermaid(s)The Ideal Woman: One Man’s PerspectiveThe Male Psyche: Trying To Not Be a DickA...

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Gifts that Guys REALLY Want

Bert's Eye ViewMy Date with a Weeki Wachee Mermaid(s)The Ideal Woman: One Man’s PerspectiveThe Male Psyche: Trying To Not Be a DickA...

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The Sophisticated Traveler Costa Rica Style

Bert's Eye ViewMy Date with a Weeki Wachee Mermaid(s)The Ideal Woman: One Man’s PerspectiveThe Male Psyche: Trying To Not Be a DickA...

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