Emotions + Mental Health

Emotions and Mental Health

Am I a Stuck Up Little Bitch?

I just learned I have a reputation as a recluse – a reputation I hate. It’s true, I’m easily intimidated by colleagues and...

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Falling Out

Will I stop disappearing if I get Botox, or whiten my teeth, or thicken my thinning hair with extensions? Will I stop disappearing if I...

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Learning to Thrive

In July 2014, in Okinawa, Japan, I got pregnant with our second boy. Fresh off a miscarriage and two months before we were due to move...

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Fake It Until You Kill Yourself

This isn’t a poem or a blog post. This isn’t a satirical article or a cry for help. It’s just a simple question. “What will be the...

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Unheard Screaming: Silent Misunderstood Me

Those peering into the lives of those of us who struggle with mental health, perplexed as to why we seem to have potential to live...

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The Rise and Fall

When I was seventeen I dreamt of a great big life filled with a glass house on the beach, diamonds, pretty bad boys, fancy designer duds...

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My Truths

I am almost 42 years old, in the middle chapter of my life. Large volumes of experiences are now behind me, and large volumes are yet to...

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GRIEVING

Ghosts of past deaths crowd my consciousness as I face yet another loss, a slipping away of another friend and brother. Each time we face...

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The Voice

AnaBest FriendThe VoiceSolutionHaThe voice is telling me “You’re worthless” “You’re unlovable” “Starve yourself then maybe...

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A Call To Arms

Another senseless mass shooting, where for a few days, perhaps weeks, people will argue, discuss and voice their heated opinions on gun...

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I Want Tears

I want tears I want pain I want grief I want shame My hands char from a gentle touch, so effortlessly. Spite me, Condemn me Damage me. Spew...

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Some Days, I’m A Little Bit Psycho

If I suffer from another spazz-fest, I’m gonna slap myself in the face – hard. I am friggin’ sick and tired of dealing with my...

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Don’t Let Me Linger, Black

How could you forgive me if I can’t find it in my heart to forgive myself? For what, love? Oh, you know the goddamn basics, for living,...

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Post-Holiday Grief: No More Christmases

On December 3, 2015, my parents – at 73 years of age – moved to Los Angeles, from New York City. The city they had lived in,...

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Killing Myself to Sleep

I’m not complaining about being sober. The benefits of sobriety alone completely outweigh the losing prize waiting for me at the end of...

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Skinny Jeans

Don’t believe the sales girl. She’s lying. That’s what I told myself. Like my Mom, I hate shopping, but I really needed some new...

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Memoirs of a Legal Courtesan: A sex/love addict’s journey

Memoirs of a Legal CourtesanMemoirs of a Legal Courtesan: A sex/love addict’s journeyWinter of My Damn Discontent Part 2: A Sex...

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Not Your Daughter

my father never saw me smoke he didn’t see the way the clouds come out of my mouth and make beautiful shapes in the sultry sky between me...

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Make it Stop

The words are peeking in at the oddest times they want to say so much but I shelter them from eyes. I need to protect their vulnerability...

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How Do You Like Me Now?

We live in the dirty, digital age of Celebrity wannabe where everyone, including me, overshares everything. At the gym today, I was...

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Would a Broken Arm Cast a Pall on My High School Reunion?

If you had told me I’d be going to my high school reunion with a cast on my arm, I wouldn’t have believed it. After all, I was still in...

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“I Quit!”

The end of the month is crunch time for an accountant. Making sure all activity has been posted to the books; making sure all cash...

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Losing Myself to Body Shaming

My body is mine, yet everyone is so judgmental about it. But the real judge is me. I’m surrounded by people who care so much about...

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BODY / IMAG(INE) – a poem in four parts

PART ONE/ BODY She dressed Hastily Alone Averting her eyes As loose flesh rolled Over her frame   And by squeezing And shimmering Her...

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Uncertainty, Certainly

Nothing. I know not one thing to be certain. Not one fucking thing rings true except the stories I share, and they are only my limited...

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The Beast

When the beast comes for me, sulphuric fumes slowly take over the neurons in my mind. A stealth creature, it’s prowess matched only...

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Emotional Odyssey at the Department of Motor Vehicles

I always see at least one handsome man at the DMV. It’s never one of the workers (bitter civil servants who never give you adequate...

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Women With Wings

During my routine OB appointment, my doctor mentioned that my nipple “looked a little funny.” I had noticed that too. She was fairly...

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