You cannot ram your way through the pain
You cannot wish away the sorrow
Lord knows I’ve tried to slither, shed skin, and hide away the day
Do you want to know a secret?
The fucking hardcore pain, the really ugly snot nose teary eyed drop to your knees and scream pain buries us all
Being buried alive in the wallows closes the throat
And makes it hurt to swallow
So, go ahead, kicking and screaming, bang your head against the wall
Keep hating yourself
Let the sorrow in your DNA just be a little while
One must be tippy toe careful when walking on eggshells
I’m certain I was born with sorrow in my bones, infused inside each vertebra
And no matter how much I twist and turn trying to squirm my way out
It’s no use
The heavy-hearted sadness remains
And so, I must make peace with it
Make amends
I can’t help it, I was born this way
I’m quite certain you can’t see the pain and torture
The excruciating task of facing another perfect, lazy summer day
You can’t feel the death wish dance amidst the beauty of a thousand swirling fireflies under a midnight sky and golden crescent moon
You certainly have no idea when I flash a great big toothy grin smile
This sadness and me
We’re intimate, old lovers and forever friends
What to do with that?
Make peace with all the colors of you, even the indigos, greys and threatening black hues
I fear I will be swallowed whole by the shadow monster if I don’t make some room
I must examine my skin under a microscope searching for the cracks
All the places where the light can sneak in
Infusing these tired and weary bones with sunrises and sunsets and lavender and jasmine blossoms after the rain
You know, all the pretty soft things that make you human
Make you believe you are safe and sound
That you are strong enough to endure the bone spurs and the sorrow
For just a little while so your heartstrings might sing
A different kind of song
You know, one infused with hope and love and laughter
And grandiose dreams
That don’t just come true for everyone else but you
Accepting all of you, the sad and happy parts
Is the cheap trick that makes living worthwhile
It’s the stardust and sparkle stuffing gone before you can blink
Bone spurs, warts and all
The most important life lesson so far is
learning when to cling tight and when not to
The true miracle is loving all of you
So, for fuck’s sake stop trying to live up to some ridiculous standards
Don’t be so hard on yourself
It’s okay to be sad sometimes
It’s okay to let love in too
It’s okay to let happiness find and fill you up
So it doesn’t hurt so much to breathe
By just being you
“peaceamongstchristiansblue(16)”by adarrell37 is licensed under CC CC0 1.0
Jacqueline Cioffa
A retired, international model, and celebrity makeup artist. Co-Author of Model Citi Zen, the guide. Founder of http://modelcitizenmakeup.blogspot.com/. Author of numerous prose pieces in various literary magazines. Most recently published in Little Episodes Brainstorms the anthology, among esteemed artists Sadie Frost, Melvin Burgess and Todd Swift.
