- In My Other Life
- An Actor’s Journey: “This is THE job. This is the hard part.”
- Men, Rape Culture and Choice
- Why You Should Love Your Big Butt
- My Misunderstood Vagina
- January Flashback: French Savoir with Patrice Bisiot
- January Flashback: The Bone Keeper
- January Flashback: Craigslist, Sex, and One Woman’s Intuition
- January Flashback: Sweet Child of Mine
- January Flashback: The Butterfly Effect
- January Flashback: Latina Entrepreneurs – We are Ready to be Heard
- The Care and Feeding of Mr. Right
Originally Published November 2014
Okay let’s face it, we’ve all been sold a long list of lies when it comes to finding and keeping the man of our dreams. I remember watching Cinderella as a little girl thinking that someday my prince would come. I also remember listening to stories my Mom told me about how she met my dad. “He was the most handsome man there,” she would say. As a little girl that all sounded great. A big, strong, handsome man that is going to whisk me away and make all my dreams come true. Now, fast forward 20 years and let’s re-look at that. Do we really want someone to whisk us away and make all our dreams come true? Well, honestly some days we do, but most days we want something more. We want an equal. A mate that is our best friend, a confidant, someone who listens, laughs and understands us. Someone who has our back and most importantly, someone who thinks we are as amazing as we think they are.
Sounds too good to be true right? Wrong! I am here to tell you that I am living proof that it’s possible. It’s about how you go about it. Your five-year-old brain has been looking for a prince for your much older body. It’s time to re-evaluate what you want. Throw out some of those 1950’s ideas of what your perfect man is and get past those mental road blocks. Most importantly, you need to learn that the right mate is really out there waiting for you. You may already have him, and not even know it.
So what’s my secret? How did I do it? It’s really simple. There are a few things to remember that will open up a whole world of men to you.
5 Things to keep in mind while looking for finding and keeping your Mr. Right.
1. Men Mean What They Say
One of the game changers for many women is when we learn that men really do mean what they say. Many women think that men are strange mystical beasts, difficult to understand. In reality, men are no different than women. Well actually, they are different, they mean what they say. There’s nothing hidden when they speak. It’s refreshing really. Unlike women, there is no hidden meaning, no underlying tone—he literally means just what he is saying. Don’t try to put more into it, it’s not there. He doesn’t want to play games (unless you do). He is just him. Getting through his day, answering what he thinks and feels in the moment. So when he says he’s tired, guess what, it doesn’t mean he’s not interested in you any longer or doesn’t care enough to talk to you. The man is tired, just that simple. So don’t use your women’s language of understanding on him. Take his words at face value, and it’ll open up a much easier way of communicating with him.
2. Accept Him For Who He Is
Another thing to help in the care and feeding of your man is to accept who he is. So many women start dating a man thinking they can change everything they don’t like about them. Wrong! If you are dating someone and trying to change them, leave now. Life is hard, relationships are harder. If you are not happy with him the way he is, it’s not going to get better later. You need to accept him for who he is and embrace all those little idiosyncrasies or move on. Sure, you can try to change him, but it’s not going to work in the long run. Leopards don’t change their spots. Enjoy his quirks and he will do the same for you.
3. The Past Represents The Future
This one is a biggie. Something you should always remember when dating, and even in married life, is that the past represents the future. It basically means what has happened in your relationship in the past, will happen again in the future. Did he cheat on you? Guess what, he’ll do it again. Does he lie to you? Bingo, he’s going to do it again. The past shows us our future, but it doesn’t always have to focus on the negative aspects, it can also show us the many good things a man has to offer. Has he been kind in the past? Funny? Passionate? Does he show you respect and love? Guess what, he will in the future too. I always like to keep this one in mind because it works with all types of relationships. It’s a great barometer for friendships as well.
4. Treat Him The Way You Would Like To Be Treated
A little thing that really works miracles is mirroring actions, treat him like you would like to be treated. Want to get more respect, then respect him more. Want to be trusted completely, then trust him completely. It sounds simple, but when he is pissing you off, it’s not as easy as it sounds. It works, though and it really works if you put your heart and soul into it. I’m not talking about doing it for a day, then hoping tomorrow he’ll change and treat you how you magically want to be treated. I’m talking about doing it every day and then watch how your relationship will change.
5. There’s A Reason He’s Your Ex
And lastly, one of the most important things to remember- there is a reason you made them your ex’s! When life gets hard, sometimes it feels like it would be easier to go back to what you know. Settle in and just accept the lousy relationship rather than being alone. Before you let one of your ex’s back in your life, think about why you broke up with them in the first place. You weren’t happy, and letting him back into your life isn’t going to change that. Remember Rule #3 about your past representing your future? This is an excellent example of that rule in action. You owe it to yourself to break the cycle, get out of the loop and find that perfect person that’s out there waiting for you. Don’t settle for less than you deserve.
The care and feeding of Mr. Right isn’t all that tricky. Remember to trust your gut, trust your man. Feed him, make him feel good about himself, and enjoy the sex. In return, you will reap the benefits of a strong and happy relationship. Really … that’s all there is to it.