Oxidization

I need to feel bad,
It’s been so long, long enough
That time has started the process
Of oxidizing my heart
Rusting it through and through
Spreading a poison of guilt and self-hatred
From my aorta to my brain.
“Should I go downstairs and apologize?”
Running running running
“I’m a terrible person.”
Flowing ebbing waning
“I’m a bad daughter.”
Swirling through my blue blue veins
With scars that form windowpanes.
Look into my windows,
Peer through my skin,
I guarantee you’ll find a girl
That has just decided to give in,
She’s said fuck it all fuck this bleeding shit
Takes a Walkman, takes a scarf,
And walks into the wind.
She flies away
With all the birds
Craning her neck just so
Because there’s no way
She can stay
And let herself be beaten so
There’s a rail map of hurt on her ribs,
Such uncertainty in her brain,
She wants to love, wants to pray,
But never knows the words.
She thinks she’s a bad daughter,
Thinks she should stay in touch
But when this gets out
When it all comes out
Please don’t let it come out
Please baby no
But when it does
And I know it will,
She’ll need to be
Long gone.

Photo Credit: vallgall Flickr via Compfight cc

Rebecca Charlotte

Rebecca Charlotte is a recent graduate of Westfield State University, a small liberal arts school in New England, where she majored in English with a concentration in literature. Currently, she works at two libraries. By day, Rebecca is a nerdy librarian, by night she is a nerdy librarian who devours books and superhero shows. Her work has appeared in BUST, elephant journal, Her Campus, and will be included in the upcoming issue of Doll Hospital Journal.

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