I dictate a message to you on fb –
explaining how much I still love you,
and that I never meant to hurt you.
I do another one, to another lover…. very similar, but different.
Mute/I am a wrecking ball.
Unmute/fight with the husband: you were behind the barn smoking…
Mute/{I am/are drinking
too much, so bad woman, admit it},
Unmute/I admit nothing.
Zooooom angry:
I am stretching out now;
I am wearing pink sweatpants, and only a jog bra,
menopause hot
Unmuted/you write- you tell me,
I’m amazing, a good mother, sexy even for the ripe old age of 44…
Mute/Omg I’m so horny…
U inspire me to drink harder…
I’ve gained 20 pounds since you last fucked me.
Unmute/is momma gonna die?
Mute their fear/no my loves/momma is fine;
momma will always be here…4u
Turn off the video feed: I am letting
the children believe that
I will not die.
They love me as the massive failure
I’ve become/am.
It’s fucking beautiful.
Mute/planning in my mind when to pour the wine….
Unmute/for Telehealth psych call at 3pm.
She is so smart and composed.
So… how are you?
Mute/I’m fine… No. Not drinking.
Not smoking.
Video tears drippingdripping/
Reiterating:::
I’m fine
I’m fine
I’m fine
Photo by Afsane Bz on Unsplash
Elisabeth Horan
Elisabeth Horan is a poet mother student lover of kind people and animals, homesteading in Vermont with her tolerant partner and two young sons. She writes to survive and survives to write - We are all battling something. Let's support each other. Elisabeth enjoys riding horses and caring for her cats, chickens, goats and children (not necessarily in that order). She teaches at River Valley Community College in New Hampshire.
