I am a Counterfeit Memory Hero

As I turned on the light and maneuvered my way into the closet, I made full use of my Tetris skills. I shuffled past boxes of record albums, computer parts and dozens of other boxes of unrecognizable junk and crammed my way to the very back. After much sweating, swearing, Read more

A Blurry Image of Love, Lust and the Teenage Mind

Love, lust and the teenage mind. Yep, I was a hot mess back in high school. I remember it vividly. Although I considered myself a goober, I sort of fit into almost every social group – including the “sportos, motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, and dickheads.” For some reason, Read more

“Hey Dude, Your Junk Looks Dangerous!”

I hate using the public restroom at the airport. Whether it’s the urinal or the stall, no amount of hand-washing is enough to satisfy my germaphobia. However, after traveling nearly every week for the past ten years, I’ve been forced to give in to nature’s whims – but only in dire emergencies. After all, Read more

After 35 Years, I Finally Grew a Pair

After 35 years, I finally grew a pair. That’s right, I finally stood up to a childhood bully. The end result of my adventure, however, is still quite a shock. Let me explain. I was bullied as a teenager as I grew up in a small town in New Jersey. Read more

I Hacked into My Teenager’s Facebook Account

After reading this story, you may think I’m the worst parent ever or you may think that I’m the best parent ever. Nevertheless, I proudly claim both titles because I earned them: Without her knowledge, I hacked into my teenager’s Facebook account.  I willingly peered into every hidden corner of her life, and she doesn’t know Read more

The Status of our Relationship is Based on the Article I’m Reading

When I troll the Internet out of sheer boredom, it’s not uncommon for me to stop and analyze one of those relationship advice articles. Thankfully, I’m not looking for advice on my relationship – I’m perfectly happy and content to be married to my crazy cat lady wife.  Instead, I’m looking for an opportunity to antagonize and Read more