Articles by Dave Pasquel

After living under a rock for nearly 25 years, Dave had his eyes opened wide to the world in 2010 after marrying his crazy cat lady wife. Intrigued by controversy, culture, lifestyle, current events and history, Dave has traveled to 41 states and a handful of foreign countries. Defined as ‘metro’ by his three kids, you will often find him cleaning the house instead of working out in the yard. In his spare time, Dave likes to write sappy love songs but will be the first to admit that he can’t carry a tune.
Putting the Fun in My Funeral

Putting the Fun in My Funeral

However awkward, my wife Allison holds both the lunacy and the skillset to break laws of etiquette – especially when it comes to putting the fun in funeral. Of course, she initially offers up genuine, heartfelt sympathy at the appropriate time…

Read More

I Quit, Bitches!

I Quit, Bitches!

It is fucking impossible to work with Bethany. Instead of being a team player, she’s an ego-driven, self-serving, arrogant, superficial little floozy. She regularly empowers herself to bulldoze over me by hijacking my responsibilities and compromising my professional reputation. In fact,…

Read More

Am I a Stuck Up Little Bitch?

Am I a Stuck Up Little Bitch?

I just learned I have a reputation as a recluse – a reputation I hate. It’s true, I’m easily intimidated by colleagues and acquaintances who are younger, stronger, braver, more outgoing, better educated and better looking than me. When I feel…

Read More

I Want Tears

I Want Tears

I want tears I want pain I want grief I want shame My hands char from a gentle touch, so effortlessly. Spite me, Condemn me Damage me. Spew your madness upon me. I am not the demon you face. My eyes…

Read More

Some Days, I’m A Little Bit Psycho

Some Days, I’m A Little Bit Psycho

If I suffer from another spazz-fest, I’m gonna slap myself in the face – hard. I am friggin’ sick and tired of dealing with my hyper-sensitive reactions – especially when I’m consciously aware I have an ongoing habit of overreacting to,…

Read More

I Won Second Prize in a Beauty Contest and  Collected More Than $10

I Won Second Prize in a Beauty Contest and Collected More Than $10

Since the day I could count, my brother and I battled dozens of times in family tournaments of Monopoly. Before each match, he would confront me with his antagonizing, big-brother, I-am-the-boss-of-you tone. “Ready to lose another game of MO-NOP-O-LY, Dave-IT?” Expecting…

Read More

Jacta Alea Est

Jacta Alea Est

The other night, after we both took back-to back-potty runs at 1 AM, my wife Alison and I settled back in bed. As I expected, she immediately fell asleep to her usual nightmare of annoyances: grunting, snorting, scratching and drooling. As…

Read More

“I Love You, Daddy”

“I Love You, Daddy”

I admit it; it’s true. I’m far too sensitive for a grown man. At any given moment, I could easily find myself whimpering, sniffling or flat-out weeping about something emotional. Besides experiencing unexpected emo-break downs, I often self-induce my emotional triggers,…

Read More