Photo Credit: cornonthecobbb via Compfight cc

Is it true that deluges fill a void
in your heart that many drugs fail to numb?

I have heard wolves crawl into my skin
and wither their way into my insecurity.
I have felt the novel shift of having a skeleton
and collapsing under the weight of it.
My mother dreamt of a night when I would speak in my slumber and,
I would tell her my secrets,
the ones I keep within the chambers of my wolves.
They are guarded, mother,
do not touch them, do not tap that door,
for the wolves will attack. They are not under my control.
But Vitriol is poisonous and he knows where I keep my key.
He hurls his canopy, caging me, succumbing me to sin.
It is not my fault, mother,
I was not under my control. My screams
my fears, I have yet not told you
that they are the reason for my silent nights and
they are the reason that you somnambulate behind me.
Remember that time when I dragged you down the river, mother?
The dirt under your nails chafed my heart and I will not,
I will not close that burn until you understand that
that induced drowning was not my fault.
I was not under my control.
My feet find their own path,
my mouth speaks its own mind, and
my tongue spins its own lies.
Forgive me, mother,
They too, are not under my control.


Paakhi Bhatnagar

Paakhi Bhatnagar is a student from India and an avid reader of historical fiction. She is a passionate feminist and blogs about current politics and feminist issues. She also possess the uncanny ability of turning everything into a debate.

2 thoughts on “Control

  1. Paakhi BhatnagarPaakhi Bhatnagar

    Hi Kitty,
    I’m really happy that you liked my poem. It’s both comforting and sad to know that there are people out there who have gone through the same thing as me. When you’re stuck in your own dark world, you sometimes forget that you’re not alone.

  2. Kitt O'MalleyKitt O'Malley

    Paakhi, I’m blown away and intrigued. What I love about this poem is that it leaves me wanting more, desiring to know more about the wolves under your skin and your screams, more about why under their control you dragged your mother down to the river. I have lived with my own psychological demons. I have raged and regretted it. Terrifying when you are not in control of what you think, say or do.

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