Parenting Adult Children. Not.

Will somebody help me…please?
This article could start out with “Outta Gonna Should-have”…regarding our adult children.
Am I the only one who wished that they could turn back the hands of time?

It is a slippery slope when your children move on to adulthood and you are still in your parenting mode. Do you give advice that won’t be taken and just hold your breath as they start to run into the brick wall that you saw waiting for them a long time ago? On the other hand…do you speak your mind and end up with a possible smack down with an overtone of “Things are way different now than when you were our age?’

In the past, I have done more than my share of overstepping my boundaries in an effort to “help”. We all want what is best for our children, but our adult children have to find their way and make their own mistakes. Do you make that loan to ease their pain? Do you baby sit when you would rather be doing something else? When are you helping and when are you simply an enabler?

Can anyone say Tough Love?

Along the way, I have learned and am still learning that the best advice you can give is no advice unless it is requested. Even then, a good solid response is, “I have all the confidence in the world that you will make the best decision regarding…the whatever.” It can be tough to take this position, but I try…even though at times I may winch internally and really want to take control of the situation.

I once read that:

“Deciding to have a child, is deciding to forever have your heart walk outside of your body.”

This feeling does not really end once they leave your nest. Now take a deep breath and let them carve out their own path…we did.
They will be just fine…I think.

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Categories: Women's Issues + Awareness

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Beatrice Bailey

Beatrice Bailey was born and raised in Davenport, Iowa to a Baptist minister father and a mother who was a gospel recording artist. She has three sisters and one brother. She attended the University of Iowa and graduated with a BA in Psychology from California State University, Sacramento. Retired since 2004 from management positions with both the Xerox Corporation and the State of California, Bea now conducts customized seminars on “Budgeting for the Not So Rich and Famous”, “Putting the Puzzle Pieces Together…The Ultimate Balancing Act,” as well as interview techniques entitled, “Selling the Sizzle and Not the Steak.” In addition, she is an active member of St. Paul Baptist Church in Sacramento, CA, where she is an Adult Sunday School teacher. Bea has been a Head Feature Writer for Senior Magazine of Northern California. She also writes a monthly newspaper column entitled, “Uniquely Bea” Currently, she has authored a best-selling book, entitled, "Farewell, My Friend” and is conducting presentations and book signings throughout the United States and Mexico. "Radio Luz,” a Spanish Speaking Christian Radio Station, has interviewed her multiple times. Bea also was selected to be included in a book by The Author’s Show, as one of the "50 Outstanding Writers You Should Be Reading”. Bea has produced and hosted a new innovative television show, “A-Z with Bea”, which aired in November 2009 on RCCTV, Sacramento, CA. Bea is active at St. Paul Baptist Church and is an Adult Sunday school Teacher, and a Small Accountability Group Leader. She is a member of Kaiser’s Bio-Ethics Committee and on the Board of Advisors for the East Lawn Corporation. Recently, she has been asked to participate as a speaker with the Black Health Today national organization. To relax, Bea likes to work out at the gym, walk, knit, paint, sew, cook, garden, and read. Traveling within the United States, Mexico, Asia, the Caribbean, South America and Europe is one of Bea’s true passions. She has two adult children, one “bonus son”, five wonderful grandchildren and two great-grandchildren. She resides in Northern California.


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