My body is mine, yet everyone is so judgmental about it. But the real judge is me. I’m surrounded by people who care so much about their looks and having the perfect body that it is starting to rub off on me. I used to feel so confident in my own skin, but lately, I’m picking out the flaws. What changed? How did I go from being so confident to feeling down that my body is changing?
I work, surrounded by women who are always put together, with an expensive bag or a diamond ring that has so many sparkles you wonder if it came from the stars in the sky. And every woman, they are skinny, no curves and they are always talking about the gym and getting fillers in their face. I can’t relate, and deep down I don’t want to relate. I have boobs, I have a toushie, thighs, and I am not a toothpick. These women with the opposite body type make me look and feel less of a woman. It sounds silly, really actually absurd as I write it, but that’s the change.
These powerful women, they make me feel less of a person.
As I enter a different world each day at work, these elegant women always have something to display about themselves. And their attitude, I am not a person, I am their “hired help.” So what changed within myself that caused me not to feel as confident about my physical appearance? One thing is stress. I’ve been so stressed at work that little things like my body, suddenly become a bigger thing.
Things I never focused on I became more sensitive to; it’s like being so hungry that you become angry. Everything is a bigger deal, and you are “hangry.” Or being so tired that suddenly you come off as a bitch to everyone, but really you just want your pillow.
Another thing that has influenced my way of thinking is living in an area where people are so different than those I grew up with. People here are always flaunting themselves, their body and their labels. These people are also talking about their body and have a desire to be perfect because here, that’s what we are lead to believe. Commercials on t.v. are so different than where I grew up. Each day I see so many ads for a plastic surgeon, botox, gyms, anything having to do with creating the “perfect body.”
More than anything, my body confidence changed when more people started commenting on my body, not always in a good way. I’ve had this happen before, and usually, I brush it off, like whatever, but lately, if it’s a positive body comment I’ve felt the pressure to maintain, a negative comment has simply left me more annoyed than usual. Why is this? Because I am a woman.
We as women naturally have these moments of self-doubt, of low confidence, and of body shaming ourselves. And with our president, we women have become more in the spotlight and actually for the better. We are raising our voices. We are quickly shutting down negative body perspectives. We are starting to become more confident with our bodies, ourselves so that for once, the world will be too.
So really it’s not that I see myself in a negative light. It’s that suddenly I, as a woman, am in the light. The spotlight of the nation.