memorize

I memorize you.
your dreams and your aspirations
your favorite restaurant order and the way you take your coffee, or don’t.
your favorite songs – the lyrics are engrained in my mind.
the shampoo you use and the way you roll your toothpaste tube
your birth date is on a loop.
the sound of your voice – I can always remind myself how you sound.
and how you feel – and how you kiss.
your pet peeves and fears – all things I’m too aware of.
your scars – both emotional and physical – it’s like they’re mine too.
your phone number – those 10 numbers won’t leave.
and you memorize me.
my triggers and med dosages.
my license plate number, which I don’t even know.
my birth mark – the scars on my right wrist.
the way my right eye scrunches a little more than most when I smile.
my coffee order – decaf, soy, and all.
my favorite flower and the snacks I want stocked at your place.
the makeup wipes I use and my brand of face lotion.
the perfume you love – the one you searched for hours for.

so what do we do now?
how can you forget something you’ve memorized?
and what if I really do forget?
your voice is already harder to recall.
your touch has been absent for so long.
what if you really do fade?

or what if every time I see patterned socks my heart breaks again?
or every time I hear “bloom” the pain is brand new?

I’m not sure which is worse.
memorizing you for the rest of my life, or forgetting who you were.

 

 

“Image”by elmahiko is licensed under CC PDM 1.0

Serafina Valenzuela

Serafina Valenzuela is a college writer and poet. She is studying to become a trauma therapist and intends to use her experiences to aid others in finding ways to heal. Her writings center around her own traumas, in which she reveals the realities of her pain while instilling hope into her works.

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