“An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast will wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.” Unknown
Friends. How many do you have? Are you a busy socialite, with reams of numbers that are on speed dial that go straight to your besties numbers? Or are you the type of person that prefers to take your time to become close with another person, before proclaiming them a friend?
Remember nasty Nellie from elementary school? Or how about buxom Brianne from Junior High? Do you remember how they were able to part the sea of pubescent pimples and lead the parade? Do remember how unapologetically they shamed Michele and humiliated Heather? Guess what; they grew up. Now they cruise the aisles of the office, the walls of social media, eyeball you at your kid’s school and sniff you as if you are prey from the outer circle of your inner circle. They are our “friends.”
How can you tell if your friend is a true friend worth keeping or a conniving bitch that needs a quick kick out the door of your personal life?
The following information is uncomplicated veracity. Without a doubt, you know her. You might even call her “friend.”
We all have times in our lives, sometimes seasons where we are victims of circumstance. Sometimes we talk ourselves into being “victims, ” i.e., “I never have any luck (with men, money, at work, in life)” etc.
In this case, I am talking about the type of woman who USES her “bad luck” to sieve the suckers out of from her roster of acquaintances. Vampire like the VICTIM is and always will be about “ME Me Me.” They suck the air right out of the room, let alone the conversation.
The victim is a dominatrix when it comes to personal experiences. If you say “I broke up with my boyfriend because I think he was cheating on me. I am devastated.”
Her response will resemble this: “Well, my husband left me for his secretary (hooker, my best friend, sister in law) I don’t know what to do now, I am so distraught.”
Face value; her story does sound worse than yours.If every interaction is the same, if her ‘bad luck” always outweighs yours – you are being played.
The Victim can and will drive you crazy.
THE DRAMA QUEEN:
Similar to the VICTIM, the Drama Queen is also parasitic. Thriving on making every little thing bigger than it should be, and always making it about herself, the Drama Queen is exhausting.
I know a few of these ladies, and I can attest that they are not worth one minute of your time. Never satisfied, they will stop at nothing to tear another woman down. Their joy in life is wreaking havoc on others. Snappy, and nasty they use sarcastic passive aggressive remarks that will, if you let them, diminish your sense of self-worth and self-esteem.
Both the Drama Queen and the Victim have deep-rooted psychological issues. Attention seekers of the worst kind, having one or both of these types of women in your life, will drag you down.
We all have to grow our “tribe” in business and life. We have to connect with others. Part of connecting is sharing. As women, we are usually quick to open our dossier of hard won information.
I get it; I support other women whenever possible because I know how hard it is, to be a parent, survive a marriage, deal with life’s catastrophes and to start a business. The mistake I have made is neglecting to value my skill set, associations, and my emotional investment.
I never once considered the fact that some women will stop at nothing to use someone else’s reputation to bolster their street cred.
Last on my list of nemesis’ but nevertheless a critical addition. The Egomaniac is not to be confused with the Victim or the Drama Queen, even though they employ similar antics.
The egomaniac shares DNA with the Opportunist -the type of woman that demands attention. At all costs.
She will put down others; she will backstab, she will use and abuse any and all relationships to bolster her narcissistic need for attention. This woman is the proverbial wolf in sheep’s clothing.
I have met plenty of them in my lifetime; they never cease to amaze me.
Typically loud and obnoxious, they are the ones that will comment on your dress and then announce for all to hear: “too bad it’s from last season.”
Belittling other women and digging for gold are their favorite pastimes. Nasty right to the core.
All of the women above have claimed to be a ‘girl’s girl’ or a “woman’s woman”.
How do we combat someone who does not announce their arrival, someone who hides behind a fake veneer? How do we maintain our composure and NOT reduce ourselves to her level? How can we avoid her malodorous web of lies?
Those of us that are kind and empathetic need to be diligent and thoroughly audit the women we pick to be in our “bestie club.” Do not waste a second playing an extra in someone else’s drama. True friendship is about give and take, honesty and integrity.
Best Friends are Forever, right?
“In your entire life, you can probably count your true friends on one hand. Maybe even on one finger. Those are the friends you need to cherish, and I wouldn’t trade one of them for a hundred of the other kind. I’d rather be completely alone than with a bunch of people who aren’t real. People who are just passing time.”- Sarah Ockler