A little over a year ago, you inserted yourself into my world. I never had the opportunity to sit down with you face to face and have a conversation like grown women are supposed to be able to do. I wouldn’t invite you to sit across from me so I could berate you, remind you of the karmic fate that would be coming your way from your despicable actions, or tell you that you are no different and that you will be in my shoes in due time. Instead, I would say thank you.
I was given an opportunity through all of this – one that is priceless and has forever changed my life’s path. It was getting all too plausible that I was going to sink into this pit and forever give up on my hopes, my dreams, and the life I was destined for. I would have succumbed to following someone else’s passions, convincing myself they were my own. I would have brought life into this world, knowing there was an alternative that I would be much happier with and left my mind to wonder “what if.” Moreover, I would have never gotten the chance to fall in love with myself; to realize I am indestructible and ignite the creative goddess in me.
I am no longer available to be molded, to be told what to eat when to exercise, and what quantifies enough sleep. I got out of that unhealthy cycle, and you took my place. You’ll carry that weight until someone else comes along. Someone like you. Younger. More moldable. Able to inflate his insatiable ego. People couldn’t understand how I held my head so high around you. They questioned why I didn’t torment you and make you feel like you were burning alive. Bottom line, I am not going to hold it against you that your mother never taught you how to be an upstanding lady. I pitied the stench of low self-worth you emitted, which, unfortunately, filters were unable to hide. I knew a higher power would take care of you and the messiness you caused. I had been nothing but gracious the few times you were in my presence, but you let your insecurities and puerile attitude treat me in a less than exemplary way. Although I’ve carried myself very well, I’m writing this as a form of catharsis since it’s my birthright as the wife, and quite frankly, it’s the least you’ve have had to endure throughout this whole life-altering process that you were a catalyst of.
There have been words exchanged and memories shared that you will never be able to take away from us. You are finally getting what you wanted. As I write from an unadulterated place and finally use my voice, this letter serves as the final chapter in this book.
I am taking my growth and lessons learned, and am conquering this life. The power to unleash my potential and strength has been orgasmic. I am an unstoppable force. So, as you said yourself, “It’s a beautiful feeling to be in love,” it is until the person you vowed to cherish, respect, and honor falls through on their commitment. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t you. It was him. He can try to be a better man, but some things ingrained in the psyche are irreversible. Hopefully, in the years to come, you’re not thinking back on how you gave up your ambitions for this man, and it led you to a hopeless dead end. Either way, I’ll be on a yacht somewhere in the Mediterranean, celebrating life and how grateful I am it turned out differently than I had initially planned for. That is a fact. Godspeed.