© Julie Anderson All Rights Reserved

I need to score.
It’s a release.
Makes me feel free.
Nah, this is nothing.
Everyone does it, the new jam.
A little bit of this, mixed with that.
Makes my body warm and fuzzy.
Yeah, I like it like that.
I don’t know why you complain.
This is my medicine.
You take yours, this is mine.
I chose to chase the dragon’s tail.
It’s not bad.
I know all about the 27 club, Janis, Jimi and Kurt.
I have it all under control.
Hey, who are you to judge?
Antidepressants. Alcohol. Smoking some weed.
What about those lines of blow?
I saw my dad. I saw his friends. I found the baggies.
We did it at school.
It is was no big deal, just some syrup,we wanted to get high.
Sometimes maybe we went too far.
Her? Yeah, she is just some chick I met.
Crashed on her floor when I was down and out.
You weren’t there.
Don’t you remember? I know you never did care.
Who are you to judge?
I know you did the same.
Entertainment business, fashion models, agents and fuck me some more.
Hey, who are you kidding?
It’s in our blood.
We have all been racing to score.
I don’t want any flack.
I know that I won’t amount to much, just can’t get out of my own way.
Besides, I don’t want to give it up.
I don’t care.
Take my car.
Take my job.
Take it all.
Kick me out.
Yeah, I love her.
My heaven. Oh, yeah she is.
Momma, just stop.
I hear you, but what you have to say, is for a little boy that ain’t no more.
I won’t be bossed around, or told what to do.
Love me or don’t.
I forgot how to care.
Please leave me alone.
I need to focus.
I need to score.

Julie Anderson

Julie Anderson is the Creator and Publisher of Feminine Collective. Julie was inspired to create this safe place for women to share their secrets, desires, triumphs and pain as the antithesis of what mainstream media offers women today. In her column Pursuit of Perfection, she explores the importance of rectifying the balance of inner and outer beauty through essays, poems and articles on self-esteem, shame, family, and self- acceptance.

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