We couldn’t survive the hurt
Our injured, tattered, fragmented souls had weathered too much
and we couldn’t weather each other any longer
I tried to love you back to me
Tried to love you back to life but life didn’t agree
I miss your energy with every fiber of my being
but I know what transpired was the right decision for us both
Even though it hurts
Even though the flames of my heart protest
Even though the emptiness you left in our bed has now become mine
We endured longer and harder than most
the world is set on breaking us, crafting us into different versions of ourselves that do not include each other
you were my calm, you were my lighthouse, you were my everything
that’s where the mistake occurred
you asked to be my everything and I gave it to you willingly
except you couldn’t handle all my baggage
not for lack of desire or undertaking; at first glance you tossed my titanic sized load over
your shoulder like childs play
However when the hurt came, when the tornado touched down, it took mine and yours
and swirled them all together
Forcing the baggage indistinguishable
but you got hit harder
no longer was my help accepted and suddenly alone in the storm you stood
Suddenly without me you were vulnerable
and childlike
Suddenly as me without you I felt alone,
for the first time in my entire life.
You gave me love and then you gave me loneliness.
I am braver because of you
Brave enough to walk away
Something you never counted on when you were building up my indestructability
I wish I could have made you as brave
I wish I could have given you your own gift
In a way I did
but you carelessly tossed it into the tornado and returned mangled,
Ill-intentioned
Alone
Not selfishly you choose the black vortex over me
the pull was much stronger
it’s so much easier to die than to fight
I had hoped to be better for you
I had hoped my love was enough.
Jagged pieces melded together don’t always form anew
My love was never going to be enough
I’m not weaker for acknowledging this
No
I’m braver
The way you made me
The way it was when I was me with you
You were my one great love story
The love story with a grim ending
We won’t be happier
Just more authentic.
As I try to close the gaping wounds left behind
I wish I had never met you
but I chide myself on these thoughts
because they aren’t true at all
I am so relieved I met you
if only to be taught I can love the way I loved you
I can be loved the way you once loved me
even with all the destruction we are both stronger and braver than we ever thought
possible.
We were worth it once
I never stopped loving you
It just became time to walk away.

Brave Enough






Jackie Filer

Jackie Filer is a freelancer in the entertainment world. She works in television, theatre and film in a multitude of aspects; covering any ground that needs to be covered. New York has laid a stake in her and Jackie now calls the city home. Any spare time she has you will find her drinking wine with her girls or on the top of a mountain discovering new perspectives on life.

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