First Hours of Forever

© Elizabeth Regen All Rights Reserved

It’s the kind of deep sorrow
….That leaves just BLACK
Where there should be tomorrow

And it’s the kind of harrowing pain
….That leaves a burning HOLE
Where there should be a stain…

It’s not just cold at night
And when it starts to get dark
I wonder if I’m still breathing…
All of these long
first hours of forever
stop coming.
These strangling waves of time
are more than unkind.
They’re pure torture.
I thought “You’re alive!”
But then I woke up –
and it wasn’t even a dream
it was just a thought I had
in between
asleep and awake…
A very tiny break from
the never-ending-ness of it-
the foreverness of it…
the absolute certainty of it.
Dead. Is this what it means?
It seems to be a team of minutes that bully the center of my soul…
Taunting and haunting the halls of my memory…
Forcing me to ask myself over & over
“How can this be?”
“How can this be?”
“Where are you?”

It’s the kind of insanity
…that leaves no TRACKS

It’s the sort of MADNESS
that expects him to come back.

Pick up the phone….
Please don’t leave me here alone.
Walk through the door…
Like you always have before…
Like you always have before…

Elizabeth Regen

Elizabeth Regen lives in Los Angeles but is a 3rd generation Manhattanite, hailing from NY, NY. Elizabeth is a mom of two girls, ages 13 and 4. She's been married for over 10 yrs. to her hard working husband. She is an actor and a writer and believes in finding creative ways to empower women and young people.

10 thoughts on “First Hours of Forever


    What an awesome poem, Elizabeth. You write so beautifully, I feel like I’m feeling right along with you.
    I hope that putting your words down on paper will eventually ease your pain. And what a tribute to your father.
    Keep on writing!
    xoxo Lisa

  2. Mary Rowen

    Gutwrenching. I’m so sorry about your dad, Elizabeth. My dad’s been gone almost 16 years now, and some days, it still hurts like crazy. Over time, though, I’ve made peace with the loss and hope you will as well.

  3. Alyson

    Oh the pain of this poem is heartbreaking, but so beautiful. The idea that your soul is being bullied by time is powerful.. I love to see you writing about it. Using it as fuel.

  4. Lisa Ann

    Beautiful Elizabeth. I can feel you in your words. You just tear the bandaid right off your sorrow. I feel it in my heart as my mother passed 3/19/16 and I’m still wracked every now & then. I feel fine and then that incredible heart rubbing, loss of breath and it’s fresh again.
    You will go on, you have Reign & Raegan to raise and your hubby to grow old with.
    God bless you everyday and sunny rainbows.
    Love Lisa

  5. Richard DefinoRichard Defino

    Elizabeth this is absolutely beautiful. I can feel your pain and sorrow in your words and my heart breaks for you. I’m so sorry for your loss. Everyday I think about loved ones I lost years and years ago. It never goes away, but it definitely gets easier!

  6. doriowendoriowen

    Elizabeth, this is sorrowfully beautiful. You expressed feelings exactly how I felt when my (best friend) father died. My grief wracked my soul and there is still not a day I don’t miss him. Although the painful grief, in time, has turned into sweet memories and I’m no longer sad–but thankful I had such an incredible father. My deepest sympathies to you and your family. xD.

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