I wasn’t here.

You didn’t see me.
I wasn’t saying anything.
You didn’t hear me.
The time passed.
So much of it good-
Quality.
But I wasn’t present…
Lives created, grown and graduated- 
Inside of me.
Through me-
From me- 
But I had nothing to do with it.
Because…
I wasn’t here.
You can’t see me in photos.
That wasn’t me.
Skinny.
Blonde.
West Coat.
I’m rounder now.
Dark hair.
And East Coast by nature.
My accent is still here-
The way I walk-
The way I talk…
And say “water.”
I’m not funny.
Wasn’t funny.
I didn’t make you laugh.
Not on TV anymore.
Not on stage.
Or in a movie.
She said “They all pretty much know you’re done.”
I’m done.
Yes.
Finished.
I was never even here.
I moved.
The house is empty now.
Dust on sills-
Is all we’ve left behind.
They were summers lined in sadness.
Christmases caked in compassion fatigue.
Years of yearning and hoping for better…
For Healthier 
For happier –
But came up hopeless.
Friends ?
Who?
So many fingerprints on my soul…
Spiritually mishandled… 
and misunderstood.
Like never worn merchandise-
From a store…
Tried on in the dressing room…
Just not the right size.
The wrong fit.
Never bought.
Worn out from the trying.
I wasn’t here.
You didn’t see me.
Never saw me.
You didn’t hear me.
Never heard me.
That was not me in the video. 
I was long gone.

Photo Credit: Magdalena Roeseler Flickr via Compfight cc

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