Forever In Neverland

It wouldn’t be so bad if you held my hand.
It wouldn’t be so wrong if you held me tight.
It wouldn’t be crazy if you kissed me with passion.
It wouldn’t be outrageous if you cradled my heart as if it might break.
But you won’t and you can’t.

It wouldn’t be possible for me to let you do those things.
I am incapable of being satisfied,
with lingering kisses, gentle caresses or silky words.

I have come undone.
My heart is stone, my eyes always wander.
My hands hold,
never will they be held.

A storm grows inside of me.
My thunder is only temporary,
my passion an electric current.
Isolation insulates me, from the likes of you and the others,
keeping destruction at bay.
My Kisses will always be fleeting, a quick flutter of wings, an imagined sensation.

I am sorry.
I am sorry that you held on to faith,
I am not a believer, I have no allegiance
other than the one forged by pain,
with the Goddess of Self-Preservation.

I can not be
Not now, not ever.

It would have been nice if given the chance it could be so.
It would have been charming to find myself suddenly complete.
It would have been a miracle to have quenched my thirst, a miracle to have satiated yours.
Unfortunately, I do not believe in miracles,
just flickering fantasy.

Photo: ©Julie Anderson All Rights Reserved

Julie Anderson

Julie Anderson is the Creator and Publisher of Feminine Collective. Julie was inspired to create this safe place for women to share their secrets, desires, triumphs and pain as the antithesis of what mainstream media offers women today. In her column Pursuit of Perfection, she explores the importance of rectifying the balance of inner and outer beauty through essays, poems and articles on self-esteem, shame, family, and self- acceptance.

  1. Julie Anderson


    Did you just call me a Drama Queen?
    LOL…. its true. But that is how it is for me, attracted to drama like a moth to a flame. I am working on that blip in my personality.
    Love you more…

  2. Susan P. Blevins

    Thank you for your reassurance darling! Poets are definitely allowed to be Drama Queens (it takes one to know one), and you, indubitably, are a poet!!
    Love you!
    S xoxo

  3. Julie Anderson


    I don’t want you to cry or worry. The fact that you did and do – means I did my job. Poetry should take a reader on a journey that plays their emotions like guitar strings.

    I always have to kick the little bitch in my mind. She always says;”Who do you think you are? You are not a poet!”

    Thank you for helping me knock her out of my mental playground.

  4. Susan P. Blevins

    J, I just can’t comment on this. I don’t want to believe you are cynical of miracles. Love is the greatest miracle of all, and look at how many of US, your FC Family, adore you. This is stark and pierced my soul because I love you and want joy and peace to be yours. It’s so powerful it has made me want to cry.

  5. Kitt O'Malley

    Powerfully written. We isolate to protect ourselves from pain. You have my love from a distance, a less threatening love than that which satiates. Keep aflame that flickering fantasy. Who knows, maybe miracles do exist?

  6. Avatar

    “Unfortunately, I do not believe in miracles,
    just flickering fantasy.”

    Deep inside you still believe mama, never lose hope. This is beautiful <3

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