2014 was a humbling experience for me in a lot of ways. I thought I was getting close to having things figured out, but, not so. I remember vividly looking in the mirror New Year’s Eve when I was 25 years old and thinking, “Wow. I kinda thought I’d have my shit together by now.” Thirty-one years later, I’m back at the mirror, thinking “Wow. Look at that. I look like 6 miles of bad road, and I still don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.” My first inclination would be to beat myself and do the shoulda, woulda, coulda thing, but I had a minor epiphany of sorts.
What I’ve figured out is: If you can look in that mirror and tell yourself that you have arrived and it’s all together—I’ve got news for you … start digging a hole now. Life is pretty much over. It means you are no longer challenging yourself or learning. You’re just not having a very good time, so you might as well turn up your toes and check out. Not to be harsh or anything on my blissfully ignorant friends out there, but come on—wake up. Life is supposed to be a mess. Chaos can be a great thing. Learn to juggle your life. Keep all the balls in the air. Letting them fall is easier and safer, but you’re gonna die a whole lot quicker staring at those balls on the ground.
So 2015, here I go:
- I’m not going to make any horseshit promises I know I’m not going to keep. That makes my promises cheap.
- I’m going to trust my own judgment and not second guess myself or require anyone’s approval for my decisions. I’m not going to lean so hard on friends that I crush them, and I won’t allow them to crush me. A tiny bit of distance is good at all times.
- I’m going to realize that if something goes wrong it could possibly have nothing to do with anything I’ve done or haven’t done. There are bigger forces than me, and I am but a blip on the radar.
- This is cliché but valid: Get out of the past, live in the present, and plan (but don’t dwell) on the future. Worry is for pussies. It has no positive effects.
- I’m not going to pass up too many romantic encounters. There was a point in my life where I probably could have sold it and now I can hardly give it away. Fuck.
- And finally, I’m still going to look for the good in people, but I’m not going to allow that to blind me to the fact that some people are just inherently assholes.
If I knew what I know now when I looked in that mirror thirty-one years ago, I would rule the world.
Happy New Year!!!
Photo: ©Axel Muench