How I Uncovered Long Forgotten Meaning in Our Family’s Christmas Traditions

I was 8-years-old when I realized there was no Santa Claus. I’d lost the Snow White watch I’d received for Christmas—the one with the yellow leather band that came with a plastic figurine of my favorite Disney character. Sitting at breakfast some months later, I confessed the watch was missing. Read more

Unborn

Maja’s hair was a black curtain. Like a child, she imagined it protected her as she sat on the train, her hand cupped over her stomach. For the first few months, she had spent most of her time prone on her bed, the pillow damp. She prayed to the Virgin, Read more

Last Prayer

It is an inconvenient time, swaddled tightly with life’s circumference. Enmeshed with an array of emotions, responsibilities. I am culpable for everyone. I am liable to provide the means to fulfill their urgent desire to be happy. I am a one stop shop. As my body matures, my vanity has Read more

After the Murder

“Your coffin reached the monstrous hole. And a part of me went down into the muddy earth with you and lay down next to you and died with you.” ― Rosamund Lupton, Sister After the murder, my prayers went something like this: “Help me. God, help me. Please, fucking help Read more

Sometimes, A Man Still Needs His Mom

“…a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” – Ephesians 5:31 “Sometimes, a man still needs his mom.” – Dave Pacailler, November 2016 At 81 years old, my mother is the epitome of old-school tradition. She goes Read more

The Nature of Love and Understanding

When my daughter, Eden, was in preschool, she had a playdate at our house with a fellow classmate. I vividly remember preparing a snack for them as they sat at a nearby table coloring and talking. At one point, Peyton looked at my daughter and asked her, “Eden, do you Read more