The Skin I’m In, Loved and Lost

I.

Everyday I try
I try to move on, I try to forget, I really do
But it seems as though it is impossible for me
My heart won’t allow me to forget the way he made me feel
Me, an enticing vixen creature as I stared into his eyes
I gave him the power to control the very raw,
uncut human functions
Society likes to keep packed away tightly
in a little box
in the corner.
Me,
with a slight movement,
up and down- side to side,
I could break his carefully fixed facade
for a moment.
He gave me that power to feel
I can not forget/ escape the feeling
Everyday I try
I try to move on, I try to forget, I really do
My body is physically mourning the loss
for too long now,
It has been empty
Only a certain length,
girth can fit in it
Until then it will punish me
Stabbing my uterus from the inside
Shedding its walls in the most painless way possible
Never letting me forget
the pleasure it once felt.

II.

I love that we can’t have casual conversation
I love being treated like your whore
I love that you don’t even bother to keep the appearances up
I love being treated like a cum dumpster
A receptacle
A fish you forget to feed
An intangible object
An objectifiable woman
Open for business
I love crying crying crying
I love that I’ve put so more effort into this than I thought
I love the depreciating value of my pussy
I love that I was so dumb to believe a horny 18 year old boy
I’d love to die
Of embarrassment
second hand embarrassment
Depression
A panic attack
Cardiac arrest
Fuck you

III.

I waited
In the car
I waited in the rain
The dark
Shaved it all
Just to be pretty
And thom York blaring
The gutairs melting
I waited
For the rain to stop
For you to say sorry
My feather brain
Your masculinity
The airplane doors to open
To climb in
And I’m waiting
For a text
A call
A sign from God
Waiting
For a sink hole to give me hope
To swell me up
Then suck me in
And suck me dry
And I’m waiting-

 

Brianna Scott

I am an 18 year old naive libra girl who is really gullible and still believes in fairytales and love at first sight. I moved across the country to northern California to find a new adventure.

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