The Skin I’m In, Loved and Lost

I.

Everyday I try.
I try to move on, I try to forget, I really do.
But it seems as though it is impossible for me.
My heart won’t allow me to forget the way he made me feel.
Me, an enticing vixen creature as I stared into his eyes.
I gave him the power to control the very raw,
uncut human functions.
Society likes to keep packed away tightly
in a little box
in the corner.
Me,
with a slight movement,
up and down- side to side,
I could break his carefully fixed facade
for a moment.
He gave me that power to feel.
I can not forget/ escape the feeling.
Everyday I try.
I try to move on, I try to forget, I really do.
My body is physically mourning the loss
for too long now,
It has been empty
only a certain length,
girth can fit in it.
Until then it will punish me,
stabbing my uterus from the inside,
shedding its walls in the most painless way possible.
Never letting me forget
the pleasure it once felt.

II.

I love that we can’t have casual conversation.
I love being treated like your whore.
I love that you don’t even bother to keep the appearances up.
I love being treated like a cum dumpster.
A receptacle.
A fish you forget to feed.
An intangible object.
An objectifiable woman.
Open for business.
I love crying crying crying.
I love that I’ve put so more effort into this than I thought.
I love the depreciating value of my pussy.
I love that I was so dumb to believe a horny 18-year-old boy.
I’d love to die,
of embarrassment.
Second-hand embarrassment.
Depression.
A panic attack.
Cardiac arrest.
Fuck you.

III.

I waited
in the car.
I waited
in the rain.
The dark.
Shaved it all,
just to be pretty.
And Thom Yorke blaring,
the gutairs melting.
I waited.
For the rain to stop.
For you to say sorry.
My feather brain.
Your masculinity.
The airplane doors to open,
to climb in.
And I’m waiting,
for a text
a call
a sign from God.
Waiting,
for a sink hole to give me hope.
To swell me up,
then suck me in,
and suck me dry.
And I’m waiting.

 

Photo Credit: Hernan Piñera via Compfight cc

Brianna Scott

I am an 18 year old naive libra girl who is really gullible and still believes in fairytales and love at first sight. I moved across the country to northern California to find a new adventure.

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