Listening Tears

Do you hear me? He asked.
Repeat what I just said.
No no no you have got it wrong
What the fuck is wrong with your head?
This isn’t back then.
I used to scream with rage and belittle you, but not anymore.
I was just angry because I know you were playing dead.

No that’s not it that is not what I said.

Why can’t you see that you are a BITCH when it comes to me?
You are the one who is angry.
I am tired of your excuses.
Can’t you hear the whispers behind your back?

Everyone knows that you are the one that is the mental case.
They tell me when I am alone.
They tell me what you said.
They tell me what you think.
They feel sorry for me that I have to put up with you.

You should just go and find another dream.
That is your problem, you are never satisfied.
Depression? Oh please.

Did you hear me?
Stop interrupting my thoughts.

I am trying to tell you that you are lucky to be loved.

It’s not my problem it is yours.
You say that you don’t know how to share the feelings in your heart.
What the fuck is your problem?
Have you gone deaf?

I will tell you how it has been since that day you went sick.
It has been a struggle, to see you like this.
Get over it.
Stop talking about it.

I was sad then
Lonely for sure, that is because you just stopped participating in life.
That was it, a wall went up.

You left, you went deep into your head.
Your mind is playing tricks on you again.
I did not say that.
Why would I say something so cruel?
This is a nightmare.
Why are you so miserable to be around?

I keep telling you that all I want is you, I have never asked for more.
Ah, maybe you are just too stupid to see.
You have gone deaf dumb and mad on me.
Your frustrations are your own.

Live in the moment and let the rest go.
That was then, this is now.
I love you.

Did you hear what I just said?

Stop pretending to play like you are dead.
Respond dammit.
Say something.
Tell me that I am wrong.
The problem is yours.
It is not mine.

You are so fucked in the head

It is not my fault.
I did nothing wrong.
It is because of your past and the things that you did.
That is why I think you are so fucking filled with despair.
Grow up. You are not a kid anymore.
You should have followed your heart and tried those things back when you could.

Get out of your mind.
Do something more than just sit there and mourn.
Nobody gets to do want they want to do.
Why should you be any different?

That was then, this is now.

You are old. It is time to move on.
Deal with the fact that this is your life and you are the lucky one in the room.
You are too stupid to listen to me, you think that you can still chase after that wish.
Too stubborn to follow my lead, your ideas are beginning to reek.
The stench is killing me.

Stop saying that you can do this alone.
You will not survive without me I am sure.
No one has ever loved you like I do.

Listen. This is it.
One more word from you and I am out of here for good.
Are you there?

Did you hear what I just said?

Yes. I said.

I hear you.
I heard every word.
Look at my face.

Can’t you see?

Photo Credit: OUCHcharley via Compfight cc


Julie Anderson

Julie Anderson is the Creator and Publisher of Feminine Collective. Julie was inspired to create this safe place for women to share their secrets, desires, triumphs and pain as the antithesis of what mainstream media offers women today. In her column Pursuit of Perfection, she explores the importance of rectifying the balance of inner and outer beauty through essays, poems and articles on self-esteem, shame, family, and self- acceptance.

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